It's Just A Jump To The Left & Then A Step To The Riiight. Put Your Hands On Your Hips & Bend Your Knees In Tiiiime

I realized it had been a little while since I last updated..not a whole lot has really changed. While writing this I am speaking in my mind as though I am telling a monologue..this is the fault of one Jason...who had been doing so for the past hour. I don't understand why, but it seems to have caught on. My mind is going crazy as I sit here and eat a cheese stick. I also sit, hoping that Jason will come online so that I can ask him for a ride to campaigners in the morning..I happened to forget while I was still with him. Actually, I wasn't planning on attending until I got home and received an email from Holly, thanking us for attending the meeting tonight because she knew we wanted to be elsewhere. We had received an offer earlier in the day to attend YL in Port Alberni and attempted to gain permission to miss the meeting. At this, we failed horribly.

Ok I'm done that now lol I'm just gunna tell you bout my day, well past couple of days. Yesterday Amanda came into town with Colin and we went to FC. Amanda had a lot on her mind so we went back to Jason's after and talked for a long time. It was really nice. We then decided that Jason, Colin, Amanda and myself would take a mini road trip today to Port because Amanda had to go back home and the guys needed to pick some stuff up from their homes. They picked me up at about 2:30 and we went to Woodgrove where Amanda bought some pants and we looked around, I saw several people that I knew which seemed to annoy the guys. At about 4 we headed for Port Alberni which was definately good times. We sang along to the radio and had a gay old time. After we dropped off Amanda for her meeting we headed back to town. We stopped for ice cream on the way which was pretty wonderful. Jason wasn't really speaking to me though cause he was mad at me..but that changed eventually.

We got to Nanaimo and then headed to our Mexico meeting (previously mentioned) where we all found out that the YL people had been split up and that none of my friends are on my team for the house building. My team consists of me, Holly, a bunch of young girls and 3 old guys. Andrea, Jason, Chelsea, Jesslyn and like everyone else is on the other team. I don't think I'd be quite as upset if I didn't know that part of that was intentional. When talking to Holly a while back about things between me and Jason, she meantioned how if we didn't sort things out before Mexico it would be really awkward for us to be working together in that kind of environment...so, even though I told her everything was worked out..I'm pretty sure that her and Alastair decided to seperate us for a reason. I'm really disappointed that I don't get to build the house with Andrea though..that was something I was really looking forward to. But, nothing can be done about that now. I am however really glad that Liz, Michal, Sonya and Kalina are on my team..I love those girls and we're really lucky to have Ken on our team who happens to be a professional contracter.

After the meeting was over, Jason and I headed back to his place...I called Sam on the way to ask if she wanted to come and watch Rocky Horror Picture show and she did so we went and picked her up. We get to Jason's and I got see Colin..we sit and talk about me being disappointed about said Mexico stuff and then we all start watching the movie. The 4 of us all crammed on the couch with Colin at one end, then me, then Jason, then Sam..and I'm pretty sure that we NEVER got comfortable the entire time...although I'm pretty sure my problem was just with Sam and Jason. We got through the movie and Jason drove Sam home while I went and talked with Colin in his room. We had some really good conversations and then Jason joined us. This is where he began telling stories in a monologue type voice..they were rather interesting lol and the main one involved him stalking me, it was good times.

But I'm dead tired and am supposed to get up at 6am, I don't see that happening. Anyways, I'll fill ya in more later. Peace out

Awesome Day Of Victoria Time Goodness

Things are finally looking up! I had a nice long talk with my mom yesterday and we worked a bunch of stuff out...she's letting me stay here till atleast after I get back from Mexico and she even took me to Victoria today so that I could get my passport. So that's all done, going back down on the 7th to pick it up cause I wouldn't have it in time otherwise. Now I've just gotta work on getting the last of the money I need to go to Mexico but I don't think it's going to be too much of a problem. I got a 3 legged hamster today! Sam and I are sharing responsibility for him and his name is Blimpin. He's pretty amazing. He's so cute and fluffy...and tippy lol We hungout with Tracy all day and it was lots of fun.

So there's this new volunteer at the Victoria Humane Society that I quite enjoyed lol his name's John...and if you know who Zach is..he looks just like him..but he's really smart, got like 100% in highschool and is going to become a Veterinarian..plus he's a star lacrosse player..and did I meantion extremely hot?! Haha I'm pretty sure he's about the same age as me, a little quiet but really nice. So while I was drooling over him, Sam was drooling over Cory and we were enjoying ourselves while making fun of Matty lol. It was definately a good day.

Gunna go hangout with Tasha and Erin tomorrow morning which will also be good times...not too sure what we're gunna end up doing but we're considering going to Coombs. That's about all I've got to say for now..besides I miss someone a lot and it's driving me nuts.

Plastic Fork Bracelets, Pen All Over My Arm & A Long Day Over With

When I can't see you, I know you're there...When I can feel you, I will not fear...I will trust in you and I will not be afraid. When the battle is close at hand, though you're with me and help me stand I will trust in you and I will not be afraid.

This has recently become my theme song for life...not only because it's sung by the future father of my children Jeremy Camp lol but because of everything that's been going on in my life I've been really relying on my faith in god to get me through this. For those of you who aren't a christian you probably won't understand but those of you who are will. Today was a long and stressful day but I did it..I got through it and I'm still alive. Here's the replay.

Today was the dessert banquet for YL to raise money to go to Mexico. Jason picked me up at about 1pm and him, Andrew and I went to Quality Foods and got the pop. We then headed to Tim Hortons where we were informed that we were apparently supposed to call them back ahead of time so they had nothing prepared for us. We go to the church and drop everything we had up and then Jason and I head downtown to pick up Sam from Beams. I may or may not have gotten us lost at this point...but we finally find it and head to Save-On to pick up more 7up for the punch. We go to get out of the car and can't find Andrew's bank card...(he was paying for it) so we get a little scared..but after 15 minutes of looking finally find it. Get the pop, go back to the church. We're not an hour late for set up....

Tensions were EXTREMELY high and everyone was pushing everyone's buttons, especially when it came to the skits. We got everything organized and the banquet went off with very few hitches and the ones that did occur were tiny. There were definately some good times in there...Josh drew all over my arm with a pen. We were kinda having pen wars....but I never got any on him. He like covered my arm. But anyways...Jason and Steven performed If I Had A Million Dollars and it went AWESOMELY! I was sooooo happy cause some people thought it would bomb but it was I'd say..maybe the best song of the evening. People definately got into it. I didn't cry during Amazing Grace/God Has Smiled On Me! Well...I did but only in practice, not during the banquet.

I was rather emotional AGAIN tonight...Lynn and Kara both came over to me in the kitchen near the beginning and asked me what's going on with my life cause Sonya had mentioned it to Lynna (her mom). So we all got talking and the two of them are now trying to find me somewhere to stay and a job haha they're such sweet hearts. I was pretty disappointed that no one from my family came tonight though...I was really hoping that they would, but I should have known better. The silent auction went really well...the people auction went even better. Scott Henderson payed $55 for Sonya and I to go chop wood for 2 hours lol. I'm pretty sure we got the best deal. Sacha and Liz have to clean Andrea's parent's basement...Jason and Jessy have to do 4 hours of yard work or something..and I don't remember what Andrea and Chelsea ended up having to do. I think we made about $200 just in the people auction.

I dunno how much we made in total...I was supposed to go over to Jason's to count it with Andrea but my dad apparently decided to be parental and not let me. Why I didn't just go anyways I dunno...what are they gunna do..kick me out? A little late for that. But I'm gunna head off to bed if I think of more I'll write more.

PS. The plastic fork bracelet was a gift from Will Wood. lol it didn't work so well

What If I Stumble..What If I Fall...What If I Lose My Step And Make Fools Of Us All?

I see the trust in their eyes, though the sky is falling..they need your love in their lives..compromise is calling. What if I stumble..what if I fall...what if I lose my step and make fools of us all? Would the love continue when the walk become a crawl? What if I stumble and what if I falllllll....

Ok so my new obsession is What If I Stumble by DC Talk..this song's just so beautiful. I'm blogging a lot lately it seems...maybe cause lif has been so emotional. So many ups and downs. I had the much needed conversation today with Jason and I'm not sure how I feel about the result. We're just gunna be friends for now, I feel relieved but disappointed at the same time. I didn't at all expect to feel disappointed. Seeing him tonight at the leaders meeting wasn't as awkward as I had expected it to be, but still made me feel kinda sad inside. But after it was over him and Colin came over to hangout with Sam and I and it was a lot of fun...but conflicting for me because of how Sam feels about him and now the feelings that I'm stuggling to get over myself. There's still the jealousy factor when she's like clinging to him and cuddled up to him and stuff and I'm not sure how to begin to get over that. I guess it'll just take time.

In other news, leaders meeting tonight went really well...it was lots of fun, not THAT productive lol but that's because I was sitting on a couch with Will and Will who were constantly making me laughing. Those boys crack me up. At the beginning we decided to start off with a bit of worship and so Alastair got his guitar and gave it to Will W and he started playing a song and Will M lead us and it was really awesome. Oh boy does that guy have a hot singing voice lol. I was sitting right beside him and felt like melting into a pool of mush. But anyways haha so after the meeting was FINALLY over...Will W and I had a dueling match and I killed him about 8 times. Apparently I always go for the face and that's a cheep shot lol meh what can I do. I scared him down the stairs so he made Will M attack me and put his touque over my head/face and pin me which was UNCOOL! lol Came home shortly later and Jay and Colin came over yadda yadda yadda. Now they're gone and I'm gunna go to bed. See ya'll later

What You've Gotta Do Isn't Always What You Wanna Do

I had a really amazing conversation with Holly this afternoon about relationships after having coffee, well hot chocolate with the girls. We discussed my current predicament with a certain guy and she told me that I really need to just talk to him about it and I realized that I really don't think I'm in the emotional state for a relationship and I told her that I know nothing's going to happen drastically fast because she was concerned about it affecting the leadership team. She had talked to Alastair about it a little bit but she didn't know much and that made me feel kinda awkward because I don't really talk to Alastair much myself and I don't really want him knowing about my personal life but I understand where she was coming from because we are a team and it would drastically affect that if something were to develope. She wants me to talk to you know who asap and thinks that I should really take a big step back and evaluate the whole situation and tell him what I'm thinking and feeling. I know it's true but that'll be so unbelievably hard to do. I know what I've got to do, it may not be what I want to do and I may not know when I'm going to do it but I guess it's gunna happen. The conversation must occur. There's no good time for it. The one thing I love about Holly is how honest she is...she tells me the truth and doesn't sugar coat things and I love that about her. I'm not going to jump into any conversation or relationship until I've thought about this all myself a little bit more. If you guys have any suggestions to make please do so. You guys know me better than I know myself sometimes...and I love you all. Oh man I've got a lot of praying to do about all this lol. Things are finally being lifted off of my shoulders though and things are looking up. Family issues are slowly being resolved, I had an amazing conversation with Andrew M yesterday and got through a lot of things that have been hardening my heart. I feel as though I'm going through a huge period of growth right now and I thank you all for the support. Well I'm gunna go down to my room and just hangout, try and decide what I'm going to do.

A.D.D @ It's Finest

Blah...it's been a very emotional couple of days to say the least. Yesterday was thursday, club day...and oh what a day it was. The highlight being me getting kicked out of my house. That happened about 15 minutes before having to leave to go practice and such for YL...and so I burst into tears as soon as I got there and remained in such a state for quite a while. I'm so lucky that I have such amazingly supportive friends! I don't even know what I would do without them. The first while was pretty up and down because certain YL girls that can read me way too well kept showing up and asking me what was wrong. I couldn't tell them so it was really hard but eventually everyone got there and the mask went on and we all had a great time. After club was over we had a mini leaders meeting and then headed home after much debate about whether or not I was going to go home. You really find out who loves you when you go through something like this...Sacha, Holly and Jason all didn't even hesitate to offer me a place to stay for atleast the night and even Will offered. (Half joking to chear me up lol but I decided that would not be a good decision considering there'd be 4 guys..and me) So, I came home...sat around for a while, went to bed.

Got up this morning. Had minimal words with my mom, did my chores, went to Andrea's to go finish fundraising. It's all we've done for the past I don't even know how long, but she got called into work early so she dropped me off at Jason's. We sat and chatted for a while, I harrassed Andrew and then Jay and I left to finish dropping off the letters. I swear that boy has ADD and just didn't realize it till now. He was like a 5 year old all day lol it was rather amusing and slightly cute but annoying none the less :D haha he kept playing with the scanner in Quality Foods and just EVERYTHING everywhere else, he couldn't even stand still! But, I think we're finally done with letters! It's pretty amazing.

We finished at about 5pm and then headed back over to his place. Him and Andrew got some pizza and then we chilled and watched some tv and then the Canuck's game...so dissappointed that they lost! So ya..I'm kinda confused about some stuff from tonight but I don't really wanna write about that on here so I'll probably talk to most of you later and get your insight. Let's just say boys confuse me and leave it at that for now. That's all I've got for you guys tonight, maybe more later.

Sand In Your Pants...Not Fun!

Ok I must admit I had a complete BLAST yesterday. It started off pretty rocky with some much needed conversations with two people that I care so much about! But that's all over, everything is good and we're all happy now...well I think we are atleast...I went over to Andrea's, we chatted and then did some more planning for the dessert banquet, figured out center pieces for the tables and decorations. Made some decisions about songs and general layout. Things seem to be going fairly smoothly.

I came home from Andrea's at about 2 and called Sacha on her break. Made plans to meet up with her after she got of off work at 2:45. So Shawn drove me down to the mall and then Sacha and I headed to her new place. We ended up babysitting Thai for a little bit, he's one of the cutest babies ever but really didn't seem to like me hehe...so we put him in his stroller and went for a walk. The guys (Will, Josh and Eric) wanted to go play Volleyball so they met up with us just in time for Nina to get home and take her baby. So we crammed into Eric's car and headed to Bowen Park to play volleyball in the outdoor courts but the ball was kinda flat and there weren't any nets. We were waiting for Jason to meet up with us so Will and Sacha went to the rec centre to find out about nets and a pump for the ball and were taking forever so the 3 of us got in the car and drove to the top and hid from them..then slowly fallowed them back down while mocking them and then drove past them without them noticing and came back about 2 minutes later to them standing there being rather confused. It was good. They all just started hitting the ball around so I attempted to make a sand castle which didn't go well..so I ended up making a sand ball which I threw at Sacha and resulted in her tackling me to the ground and sand getting down my pants. Eric was like "Cat fight!!" and Josh just stood there going "it's not quite mud wrestling without the mud.."

Once Jason got there we headed back to the guys' place where I removed the sand from my pants and we proceeded to play Sardines for about an hour and a half. For those who don't know the game...it's pretty much the reverse of Hide and Go Seek. One person hides, then the first person to find them hides with them and so on till the last person finds everyone. It was pretty hillarious.

Sacha, Will and I then proceeded to begin to make breakfast for dinner (pancakes..chocolate pancakes to be exact, eggs, hashbrowns, bacon and saucages) and then Josh put on Saw 2 so I made Sacha finish making the pancakes so that I could go watch the movie with him and Jason. It was so freaking scary but definately worth it ;) mwhaha. Lol I'll explain later gals. After the movie was over I came home and Sam got home shortly after so we went in her room and had a really great talk about a lot of different things and it felt really good. We talked for like an hour and then I went on the computer. Tyler started talking to me and was being all philisophical and shit and I was way too tired at this point for an indepth conversation about religion and destiny and God's will. What he was saying made a lot of sense but I was way too exausted to respond at all and I don't like being in conversations like that if they're only going to be one sided.

This is where it gets interesting..so, I'm trying to get off the computer so that I can get to bed and who signs online? Andrew. The guy I haven't seen or spoken to in how many months now..? I was kinda expecting it at some point since wench #1 dumped him but I wasn't explecting it lastnight..at like midnight. So of course I couldn't go to bed yet...I wasn't just gunna be like "I know we haven't spoken in months and you're really upset cause you had your heartbroken but I'm going to bed." If you know me at all, you know that's not me. So instead I stayed up for another hour talking to him until he had to go back to work. It was nice but slightly conflicting at the same time.

I should depart though, tonnes of stuff to do today...I have to design a t-shirt for the YL Mexico trip by the end of the day and do my bible study assignment before Holly's tonight.

Don't forget ladies..."I like big butts and I can not lie, you other brothers can't deny..when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing if your face you get sprung!"

Your Aunt Jemima's Gay!

I think I'm pregnant....HA! Gotcha! Just kidding...just kidding...I am however wondering why the lack of comments lately ladies?? No "I love you" 's or "I want to have your babies" nothing...where's the love??? I can't be to upset though, I smell like axe and it makes me happy inside lol oh the joyful smell of boy...but ANYWAYS..just got home, watched American History X tonight, amazing movie featuring the father of Tasha's babies, Edward Nortan. I must admit...never thought he was hot before this movie...but the whole skin head, swaztica tattoo thing's kinda a turn off. (yes I know I spelt that wrong but it's late and I'm tired). So good times were had by all tonight, well the 4 of us who partaked in watching said movie, eating pizza and just generally chilling.

So I'm hopefully going to hangout with Jason and Steven tomorrow while they practice songs for club on thursday. We're doing all love songs, some funny, some anti-love, some sappy. It should be good times and I'm sure I'll enjoy watching them practice. Boys and guitars..what can I say...I have a weakness. Mmm water...for some reason I'm really enjoying a glass of water.

Well that's about all for now, not much to update on...I should go off to bed, leave comments!

Every Night Should Be 80's Night

Lastnight totally kicked ass! It rocked, we all had a total blast and there was only a few casualties lol a couch...a bleeding nose and some puking but it's all good now. The guys were totally awesome and lots of people showed up. We all danced our butts off and rocked out. Jason's roommate Colin came with his gf and some other friends and we made him dance with us. Set up and take down was also pretty fun. Set up was kinda boring cause I was pretty much alone for quite a while. But when people were there with me it was a blast. For take down everyone was exausted which made things more amusing than they probably normally would have been but it was awesome. Got to hangout with the band for a while, I love those boys lol they make me laugh so much. Josh constantly trying to convince me that he's addicted to crack lol.

Near the end of the night Will M took the mic and said "and now Eric's going to say something he's wanted to say for a very long time.." and held the mic over to him and Eric just looked at him and said "I hate you Will" and it was awesome but I am curious as to what Will was getting at lol.

While we were cleaning up I took a sign off the wall and tried to stick it to Will M's head but failed horribly and stuck it to his hand instead and I was like "did you even read it?" and he said no and then looked at it and it said "Girls just wanna have fun" so I turned to him and was like "that's cause I know how much you like to have fun and how much of a girl you are!" and Sacha was walking past and she's just like "oh she so didn't just go there.." and Will says "oh she so did.." and then turned to me and is like "Ya well I got a shirt for Christmas that reminded me of you! It says "beards that grow on you!" haha oh man, good times. He's so easy to just goof around with, he's got that kind of personality. Kinda like the big brother kinda deal.

Practice didn't start off too well cause Josh's voice wasn't doing what he wanted it to and so he was getting really frustrated with himself and ended up chugging like half a bottle of Buckley's lol but it all went well after that. They played Message In A Bottle for Sacha and I, after Duncan and Port left. It was pretty...hot lol I love it when they play that song...but Sacha ended up getting really sick during it which sucked.

Overall a very good night and I would do it again in an instant. Every night should be 80's night. Hopefully I'm going to be spending the night over at Sacha's tomorrow as one last sleep over in her old house, before she moves into her new one :( it will be a sad sad day I tell you lol. Well I should be off, gotta go get dressed and figure out my game plan for the day. See ya'll later.