Yes I'm Fucking Emo.

I don't understand people, I don't understand them at all. I don't really remember what I posted about last time but I don't think I've posted since my birthday party so I guess I should now. My party went pretty well, I sucked at bowling and everyone drank a lot at mgm. There was a mini food fight with creamers and ketchup packets which was definately interesting. Then we headed to 70 below and danced, almost everyone left fairly early and then my friends from work showed up. We danced, Kevin showed up and proved entertaining. The night was over all really good, the ending sucked a lot and is still unresolved. In my opinion if you promise your friend you won't do something on their birthday...you shouldn't do that thing on their birthday. Especially when it leads to you flirting shamelessly with every single guy around you including the guy that you claim to not lead on but couldn't be away from. I love you to death, you're one of my best friends but you hurt me a lot and I want to talk about it but for some reason you don't seem willing to do that. Maybe you're just mad that I got mad at you. Maybe because I wasn't dumb and I figured it out and called you on it, maybe because you refuse to admit that you may have a problem. One day you'll realize for yourself and I'll be here to support you but for now I can't support the decisions that you're making. You're hurting yourself as well as the people who care about you.

In other news..I've been really sick lately, I probably mentioned the fact that I fell down the stairs..and then the driveway and in the malaspina parking lot. But I haven't said anything about the other day. I was walking to the bus stop at Mal U and I ended up blacking out and collapsing on the rocky sidewalk along side college dr. I came to when I hit the ground and my knee was bleeding and I hurt all over. I called my parents and my dad came and picked me up and I missed work because my knee was so swollen I couldn't walk, and both my hands and wrists were swollen and bruised. I went back to work the next day (yesterday) and almost collapsed in the middle of the store. Nadine made me go sit down for a long time and then today the same thing happened with an added migrain to top it off. I keep getting these sharp shooting pains through my chest and ribs, really bad headaches, extreme dizziness and my back is still fucked at the base of my neck and my lower back. I feel like I'm falling appart. My coworkers all think that I need to go to the doctors and get bloodwork done and get my back rechecked out but no one's willing to take me. I have no way to get there and I don't know what to do. I feel completely lost...my family doesn't give a shit whatsoever, my friends are freaked out but not many of them drive and we never have the same schedules. Right now it hurts to breathe and I can barely stay awake. I want to go home but I know I'll just end up sitting in my bedroom alone getting more depressed than I already am and when I cry everything just gets worse and I just hurt even more. My vision keeps randomly blurring and I'm really scared.

I'm off work tomorrow which is good, Sam's moving in with Sacha and us for the month of January to help us out cause we can't find a roommate and she needs a bit of a break. Hopefully it won't be a stressful situation...can't be any more stressful than my family life right now. Well that's all for now, I hate people they hate me. Life sucks, I feel like I'm dying, yes I realize I'm emo and I don't care because i've had enough. I'm tired of the bullshit. I miss having friends who genuinely care about eachother without having motives. Why are people so selfish these days, so self centered. I don't understand it. Anyways..I'm off to go watch Hockey and wait for Tracy and the crack head to get home so that I can handle shit for my mom. Bye.