Love Triangles and Losing Myself

Wow how things change so quickly. What is with love triangles? I find a guy that I really like, his bestfriend's in love with me..therefore he won't let anything happen between us. I guess everything happens for a reason but it sorta sucks anyways. I'm pretty sure I'm destine to die alone at this rate. Although the past couple secret nights (with the bestfriend who's in love with me) have been pretty nice it's just all so confusing. We'll never be together no matter how much he wants to be but I can't help but be drawn into his arms. He's an amazing cuddler what can I say...and he kisses my forehead and tucks me in to bed and all that sappy mushy stuff that I (the hopeless romantic I am) love but, I won't go for him. Why is that you ask? because we'd be horrible together. He's got a really bad fairly recent past that's still haunting him and he needs to figure out his life for himself. Therefore we will be friends and nothing more. Besides the fact that I would lose so many people I love if anything did happen. I don't even know how I feel about him. Honestly if I could combine all of the good things about both of them I'd have my dream guy. But sometimes the bad qualities just overpower the good and I've got some tough decisions to make.

As for the rest of my life and Christmas...things have been eventful. I've been really sick as most of you know. I lost my vision at work yesterday and had to go home from work early. Phoned in sick today cause i've had a constant headache for I don't even know how long. It got really bad when I was watching Failure to Launch with the boys lastnight and hasn't gone away. It's not helping knowing that one of them just got put in jail till his court hearing tomorrow. Yes Tasha I have wonderful friends...I know. lol oh man my life's fucked up right now. Things sure have changed haven't they? Umm I'm waiting to hear from the doctors office about when my EEG scan, CT Scan and everything are scheduled for...my 24 hour heart monitor gets put on on the second. Can't wait. Ya right. I just want them to figure out what's wrong with me. Maybe it's just stress? Who knows..but unless someone tells me what to think and feel and then sends me on a vacation to the bahamas or something the stress isn't going to go away. Atleast I get to move back to my own house soon...but that's kinda stressful in itself. I'm pretty petrified about having to walk to the bus stop every morning again..ever since I passed out on the side of the parkway I'm not really too keen on going back. Understandable? I think so.

But ya, that's about all...I'm feeling crappy so i'm going to go lay down or something. Call me if you wanna chat or something. See ya'll.