Useless

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house. that don't bother me. I can take a few tears now and then and just let em out. I'm not afraid to cry, every once in a while even though, going on, with you gone still upsets me. there are days every now and then I pretend i'm ok but that's not what gets me. what hurts the most is being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away. never knowing what could have been and not seeing that loving you is what i was trying to do.

Good old Rascall Flatts. They tell it like it is. Um anyways heh things with friends are finally starting to sort themselves out I guess you could say. Tasha and I worked things out about my birthday party and I miss her very much. Alyssa's back in town and I can't wait to see her. Um Sacha leaves for Cranbrook tomorrow and i'm going to have my house to myself for the next week but I can't be alone because of the concussion so I don't really know how that's going to work. If anyone wants to come stay with me let me know. I've got a spare bedroom with bed. I've spent the past few nights at my parent's house and have hungout with Jesey a fair bit. It's been pretty fun. He's a cool kid. Sam and Brenden have been in and out cause Brenden's staying at a motel cause my mom doesn't really want him here cause there's like people looking for him. He seems to be actually wanting to get his life sorted out right now and stay clean, not too sure the same can be said for Tracy. We're trying so hard to distinguish between rumors and the truth so we're basically depending on what Jesey sees and hears and I feel so bad that he has to be in the middle of everything but it's the only way to figure all this out.

Sam's moving in to my place with me, Sacha and Eric for the month of January, that should be good times. I know we'll have fun. It's just going to be a little stressful till rent's in because Sacha's going to be in Cranbrook, Eric's in CR and Sam will be in Vernon. Oh the mayhem. I'm rather stressed about Christmas because I only have about half of my presents bought and don't get payed again until friday which means I'm cutting it a little bit close. My parent's house is going to be so full for christmas. If Brenden's not in jail he'll be here, Jesey'll be here (we refuse to let him spend christmas in a motel with a 40lb of crown royal) Tracy will be here, possibly Matty if all works out and possibly Shawn's friend Chris. Then the 5 of us and I'm sure that Alex and Chelsea will probably show up at some point, it's kinda tradition.

So I'm sitting at my parent's house by myself because my mom and Jesey had to go pick up Tracy from the hospital she got a burn from a wheel chair on her leg and now has a stalf infection that is going to have to be operated on. Found out lastnight that getting stalf infections easily is a sign of drug use which is just more proof of the problems to come. I really wanna go back to school so that i can learn how to detect drug addictions and know all the signs and actually know how to help the person. I hate having to sit back completely clueless. It's bad enough not being able to go to work cause i'm useless there. I feel so unneeded. I didn't believe the doctor when he told me it would be pointless for me to go back to work right now. I realized that he was right when I was sitting on the bathroom floor in the backroom of my store on the verge of passing out yesterday. That was after I'd already collapsed behind the till. Good times. Well I'm going to go finally get my shower before everyone gets home. I'll see ya all later, someone call me or come see me. I miss people.