What You've Gotta Do Isn't Always What You Wanna Do

I had a really amazing conversation with Holly this afternoon about relationships after having coffee, well hot chocolate with the girls. We discussed my current predicament with a certain guy and she told me that I really need to just talk to him about it and I realized that I really don't think I'm in the emotional state for a relationship and I told her that I know nothing's going to happen drastically fast because she was concerned about it affecting the leadership team. She had talked to Alastair about it a little bit but she didn't know much and that made me feel kinda awkward because I don't really talk to Alastair much myself and I don't really want him knowing about my personal life but I understand where she was coming from because we are a team and it would drastically affect that if something were to develope. She wants me to talk to you know who asap and thinks that I should really take a big step back and evaluate the whole situation and tell him what I'm thinking and feeling. I know it's true but that'll be so unbelievably hard to do. I know what I've got to do, it may not be what I want to do and I may not know when I'm going to do it but I guess it's gunna happen. The conversation must occur. There's no good time for it. The one thing I love about Holly is how honest she is...she tells me the truth and doesn't sugar coat things and I love that about her. I'm not going to jump into any conversation or relationship until I've thought about this all myself a little bit more. If you guys have any suggestions to make please do so. You guys know me better than I know myself sometimes...and I love you all. Oh man I've got a lot of praying to do about all this lol. Things are finally being lifted off of my shoulders though and things are looking up. Family issues are slowly being resolved, I had an amazing conversation with Andrew M yesterday and got through a lot of things that have been hardening my heart. I feel as though I'm going through a huge period of growth right now and I thank you all for the support. Well I'm gunna go down to my room and just hangout, try and decide what I'm going to do.