What have I become?

Look at me...just look at me...what have a become? I don't trust anyone anymore...not even my friends and why..? Because I've been stabbed in the back too many fucking times. I'm full of anger and rage. All I want is revenge and that's not me. You've made me bitter and resentful and I hate you for that...I'm done with all of it. I don't even know what else to say other than goodbye.

Bubble Baths Save The Day

Update time...I guess. Nothing's really new. Well nothing that I really wanna talk about so I'll just tell ya what I've done lately. Umm Sam's been here cause she's living with us now..Phil's been over quite a bit...watched some movies lastnight. Played lots of pool. Andrea saved my day by providing me with bubble bath so that I could relax. Umm spent most of the day on my own either sleeping or playing pool by myself. Ya that's it. Oh, Phil, my dad and I went and got pizza lastnight and then saw Megan while she was at work. Fun times. Second interview at MTM on friday. Busing there with Andrea. That's all, must be my bedtime. Buh bye.

Bitch Say Whaaat!?

Drama drama drama drama drama drama that about sums it up lol

I have one question for all of you...why is it that when someone doesn't like someone else that can't just leave them alone? why do they have to try and make the other person's life miserable? I've realized that like everyone does that and I don't understand why.

Anyways..went to the mall with Phil and Sam yesterday, then bused from Rutherford to CountryClub and convinced Phil to buy some hot jeans and an awesome preppy shirt. Apparently I'm not allowed to go shopping with him anymore cause I get him to spent too much money lol meh. Sam, The Saleslady and I all teamed up on him. It was fantastic. Almost ran into Jason at the mall. I was too stealthy though. Yesterday was lots of fun, we came back here after the mall and I cooked Sloppy Joes for everybody and we pigged out till Phil and Sam left for their partay. They invited me to go along but I didn't want to..not really my thing and I didn't know that many people going.

Today..I am doing nothing so far, hopefully I'll find something to do. My job interview's tomorrow night and I'm actually kinda excited now. I think it would be kinda a cool place to work if there's gunna be atleast one other person working with me. I just don't wanna work by myself. Hmm hot guys' hangout place...can't complain mwhaha. Anyways...I'm off to rock out to some Hedley and ready myself for this day. Ttyl buh bye!

See The Happiness Radiate

Today sucked. I should have just stayed in bed and not even have bothered to have "organized fun" because it never happens. Ok so I get up and find out that Tasha can't go anymore cause she's decided to go to Victoria and see her sister. I go over to Andrea's for a while, then come home to find out that Meagan and Sam and them are running like an hour late..so they get here at like 2:30 and then Amy phones and asks if they can all come over to see Meagan and Andrea says no but they all come anyways. So all being Amy, Caley, Jesslyn and Kelly. My house is then occupied by about 20 friggen people who won't leave. Andrea's mom comes to give us a ride, because Caley and Jesslyn decide to come with us instead of going with Amy and them, Sam gets cut and has to get a ride from Meagan and Trevor even though she was going with us originally. We finally get there and Caley and Jesslyn take off to sneak in and Andrea and I try to find Sam and end up finding the three of them at the same time. We start having fun, watch the hypnotist act and in the mean time Amy and them show up. We go on some rides, then my dad calls to say that Phil and Tasha are at my house. Eventually they end up coming to the fair and I start to get even more down and more angry and then Chelsea and Alex show up. I just kept getting into worse and worse of a mood because of thoughts whirling around in my head that I couldn't control and I can't express. Feelings that I can't express. Eventually, after hurting my neck on the Zipper and completely killing my knee I decided to go home. The rest of them stayed there and then Sam phoned like 15 minutes ago to find out if she could spend the night out and woke my mom up which then pissed her off and I'm so fucking sick of everything somehow being my fault. I give up.

oh ya and ps. I got a job interview for monday..great huh? Ya I'm so happy about it...the happiness is just radiating off of me.

Tomorrow's Gunna Rock!

Oh the boredom...the past few days have been lame! I have however read two of Andrea's Romance novels that she leant me lol Oh man they're bad, but good at the same time...they get your mind going though! I'm such a hopeless romantic. Tomorrow's going to be so much fun!!! I'm so excited it's not even funny. Sam is supposed to be moving in at about noon and me and the girls are going to the VIEX I can't wait! Rides here I come! So gunna make Andrea and Tasha puke mwhaha. Mmm Mini Donuts, Andrea's been craving them for like a week haha. Oh man it's going to be GGRREEAATTT yes like Tony The Tiger. Speaking of which, I had Frosted Flakes for breakfast. Bleh! My sister's outside sitting in the sun and my parents will be home in like an hour and a half or something. Not exciting. Well that's all folks!

The Contents Of My Mind...Censored. Ask Me For The Unplugged Version.

I guess that I'm just about due for an update even though not much has really happened around here lately. On Saturday I went to Praise At The Park down at Swyalana with Andrea's family...it was really good but kinda weird hanging out with her family. Afterwords I went and babysat for a coworker of Katrina's and the baby was really sweet but I don't think I really wanna babysit for them again...it's way out in Cedar and I just didn't really feel very comfortable for various reasons. I got home at about midnight and then went to bed. On Sunday I got up early which meant only about 7 hours of sleep.

My dad, sister and I left for my grandparent's house at about 9:30 and then spent several hours cleaning their house for them. I dusted, vacuumed, helped my dad wash their car and then cleaned out their garage. I swear they have the biggest spiders I have ever seen in there. So, basically I made some mulla to go to the VIEX on friday with Andrea and I dunno who else will end up going. After visiting with my grandparents we headed to Duncan where we went with Sam to Meagan and Trevor's appartment for a visit and to see baby Malachi Jim David Richardson. He's 8 pounds 10 ounces and absolutely beautiful. I got to half assedly hold him lol.

As for yesterday I just hungout at home and did nothing...I was pretty sick all day so I slept a lot, then Andrea came over for a bit in the evening and lent me a couple romance novels lol we also had a really good chat about guys and shit which was nice. Today I did nothing as well, although feeling quite a bit better, I still didn't feel like doing anything. That basically sums up my past four days...I read one of the novels from Andrea today and I plan on reading the other tomorrow since I'll be home alone all day.

On another topic, I've been having really fucked up dreams again lately and I dunno what's causing them but something about them keeps making me really think about certain events, certain people and I just dunno what to think of them. There's one in specific that I'm not going to explain but it's still really bothering me, it's like it's just sitting there in my mind and not going away. You know which one that is Andrea..help me! This isn't good. Actually it's really bad. Hopefully I'll get a peaceful, undisturbed sleep tonight cause that would be great. Well that's all folks, later days.

Have You Ever Loved Somebody So Much It Much It Makes You Cry...

Have You Ever...


( ) smoked a cigarette
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) stolen a car
( ) been in love
(X) been dumped
( ) shoplifted
( ) been fired
( ) been in a fist fight
( ) snuck out of your parent's house
(X) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
( ) gone on a blind date
(X) lied to a friend
(X) skipped school
( ) seen someone die
(X) had a crush on one of your internet friends
(X) been to Canada
( ) been to Mexico
( ) been on a plane
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire
( ) eaten Sushi
(X) been skiing
(X) met someone in person from the internet
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
(X) made a snow angel
(X) had a tea party
(X) flown a kite
(X) built a sand castle
(X) gone puddle jumping
(X) played dress up
(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
(X) gone sledding
(X) cheated while playing a game
(X) been lonely
( ) fallen asleep at work/school
( ) used a fake id
(X) watched the sun set
(X) felt an earthquake
(X) touched a snake
(X) slept beneath the stars
(X) been tickled
( ) been robbed
(X) been misunderstood
( ) petted a reindeer/goat
(X) won a contest
( ) run a red light
( ) been suspended from school
(X) been in a car crash
( ) had braces
( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night
(X) danced in the moonlight
(x) liked the way you look
(X) witnessed a crime
(X) questioned your heart
(X) been obsessed with post-it notes
(X) squished barefoot through the mud
(X) been lost
( ) been to the opposite side of the country
(X) swam in the ocean
(X) felt like dying
(X) cried yourself to sleep
(X) played cops and robbers
(X) recently coloured with crayons
(X) sung karaoke
(X) paid for a meal with only coins
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't do
(X) made prank phone calls
(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) danced in the rain
(X) written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) been kissed under a mistletoe
( ) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach
( ) gone roller skating
(X) had a wish come true
(X) worn pearls
( ) jumped off a bridge
(X) ate dog/cat food
(X) sang in the shower
(X) had a dream that you married someone
(X) glued your hand to something
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
( ) kissed a fish (but I have kissed a llama ;)
(X) sat on a roof top
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
( ) done a one-handed cartwheel
( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours?
(X) stayed up all night
( ) didn't take a shower for a week
(X) picked and ate an apple right off the tree
(X) climbed a tree
( ) had a tree house
(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone
(X) believe in ghosts
( ) have more then 30 pairs of shoes
( ) worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
( ) gone streaking
( ) gone doorbell ditching
( ) played chicken
(X) pushed into a pool/hot tub with all your clothes on
(X) been told you're hot by a complete stranger
(X) broken a bone
(X) been easily amused
( ) caught a fish then ate it
(X) caught a butterfly
(X) laughed so hard you cried
(X) cried so hard you laughed
(X) cheated on a test
(X) have a Britney Spears CD
(X) French braided someones hair
( ) gone skinny dippin in a pool
(X) been threatened to be kicked out of your house

Rant On Relationships & Retarded People

As for the latest news...I actually don't wanna write it all out. Things have been really bad and I can't explain. They're starting to get a bit better but basically...I don't wanna see or be around anyone. There's very few people that I actually feel like talking to or seeing right now because...well everyone's pissing me off! They're driving me friggen nuts which is why I've chosen to stay away for a while. Why is it that no one can see it when they're in a horrible relationship?! Why do they just stay there and continue to get hurt and be treated like shit. I don't get it. Why must people intentionally hurt others just for self satisfaction. Seriously people...what the fuck!?

Anyways..that's my rant for the day...I'm still not feeling well...ever since Jesslyn's partay, I've been sick. I feel so pukey and I hate it...oh and on top of that I've fucked my knee again. So, basically I have to "rest" it or my mom's gunna kill me. I went and applied at MTM yesterday and I am so excited, I really hope that I get called for an interview! Well I keep getting distracted and I'm really hungry so I should go. Bye.

The MO

I officially love Erin for creating the wonderful work of Art. For all those that don't know, The MO is short for Nanaimo and this is our OC. I worked it all out and figured out who each person would be in relation to the OC. Here is goes.

Marissa = Andrea (I know you're thinking she should be summer due to slight ditsyness but if you consider certain drunkin mishaps you will understand this decision)

Ryan = Andrew (Bullheaded, wannabe tough guy, does stupid things to get in trouble with the law...tends to get around etc etc)

Summer = Chelsea (Just seemed to fit..not too sure why. She's pretty and funny and sometimes on crack...Crysta was persistant on this decision.)

Seth = Erin (Equally curly hot hair, goofy and funny. He also likes coffee and probably cartoons. He made this picture which I'm sure Seth would do too.)

Lindsay = Me (I'm the quieter one, the most innocent :P hehe and I'm cute! :) lmao)

Alex = Tasha (Crazy and outgoing, cooky personality and doesn't care what anyone thinks)

Luke = Phil (Likes to beat people up...has lots of encounters with gayness. Likes to get drunk and make an ass of himself. Likes (to sleep with) older women hehe I didn't say that.)

Anna = Crysta (Kinda cooky, kinda girl that's like your little sister. (didn't say that either) umm ya, just kinda works..oh and the hair.)

Theresa = Meagan (Pregnancy...need I say more?)

Zach = Alex (The quieter one, layed back and very accepting. Will fight for what he wants but won't be an ass about it.)

So there you have it folks, there's our so called life...hehe that was fun. So...when's Phil going to sleep with Andrea's mom? lmao oh man...that's a horrible though. Anyways...that's the highlight of my day. As for yesterday, I spent the day with Megan, we went shopping and then played lots of games. It was super awesome...we played Battleship. I don't remember much else, I've been kinda sick...slept most of today and ya here I am. And now I'm going, buh bye.

"Why were you lying on the floor laughing?" .. "You were too ya freak!"

Oh man...

To start I'll update on the last post...I haven't heard from Andrew since I got mad at him..he's probably mad at me know and I feel bad but I wonder if it's a bad thing or a good thing that he's not around lately. Umm what else...oh as far as I know Meagan has not had her baby yet...this is crazy, it's the 5th day today since she started labour. I should try and call her soon, I just still can't phone long distance on my house phone and I think that my minutes might expire today on my cell.

As for what else has been going on. Jesslyn threw a little party the other night because Wes ACTUALLY came into town. It was a lot of fun for the first while. We all got pretty drunk (Except for Alex, Chelsea and Brady...they didn't drink at all). Somehow I was still one of the best behaved people there, I was just happy lol I think my favorite memory was when Andrea ran over to me and jumped on me expecting me to catch her but we both ended up falling to the ground and just layed there laughing our asses off for like 20 minutes. I also had some good chats with Gareth, he's a pretty cool dude. I met Will that Megan works with and a few other people from Dover. We got pizza at like midnight or something. People started crashing around 1am...I however got very little sleep due to the going ons of certain friends on the couch. I ended up going and joining Alex and Chelsea and freezing my ass of because Wes had stolen my blanket. I got about 3 hours of sleep and then came home at about 11 or something, don't really know. I got an hour and a half nap in before Chelsea called to say that she was coming over. We hungout all day and then Alex came over after work. I made him dinner and then they left at about 10. I went to bed at about 11 and woke up half an hour ago. I'm still exausted!

Hopefully I'm going to hangout with Megan today, yay! I haven't seen her in forever. But, I should go and start getting myself ready for the day, bye!

I Don't Wanna See You, But You're All I Wanna See

Ok, seriously...I was in a good mood this morning...that has been quickly diminished. Andrew's actually online and I'm actually telling him what's been bothering me lately, like how he constantly acts like he's only hanging out with us to be around Andrea more and shit and he thinks it's all hillarious, that it's some big joke. I can't do this anymore. I give up...I'm at the point where I don't wanna see him ever again, but at the same time I don't wanna see anyone else. Help me please. I need to get out of here for a while. I'm going to the mall with Andrea today so that she can get new work shoes. I'm gunna try and drop off a few resumes to make my mother happy. Maybe having a new job would do me a lot of good. My last one was a nice retreat from the drama of my friends. Anyways, I should go and fix my resume and get my shower...I also have to attempt to find something to wear that I'm not gunna melt in. Later Days.

Baby!!!

I'm officially addicted to these little mini pizza things that my mom bought at her work. They're so tasty and I can't stop eating them. Help me. So as for what's new...not much! Well...besides the fact that Meagan's having a baby!!! She started labour the day before yesterday, it kept going all day yesterday and I haven't heard an update yet today. Last I heard contractions were still 8 minutes appart. I really wanna know what's going on but my mom has a long distance block on our phone so we can't call anywhere but Nanaimo! I really hope that Sam calls me sometime soon to let me know what's going on. I might just call her on my cell and get her to call me.

Lastnight Chelsea and Alex came over for a while, till just before 12..that was fun, we chilled and watched One Tree Hill and My So Called Life. I dunno what's happening today, who knows. Well I'm gunna go and finish eating my mini pizzas and call Sam on my cell so I'll update more later when I find out what's going on!