15 Honest Thoughts About 15 People

I stole this from Tasha's blog because I found it very interesting so I thought I'd partake.

15 Honest Thoughts about 15 People

1. I haven't seen you in quite a while now, not really a big surprise...you tend to go in phases and get bored of the ones that care the most about you. I love you dearly and you can be an amazing friend when you're willing to put some effort into being there for people and spending time with them but you really need to find who you are, not just who your friends want you to be. Be you, not anybody else.

2. I see a lot of me in you but I also see a lot of your sister which kinda scares me. You're headed down a really bad path and I worry about you a lot. We have some stuff in common, some stuff that no one else knows about and I will always love you with all my heart, you are a sister to me and always will be. I pray constantly that you'll realize that you're better than the life you've begun to lead.

3. We've been friends for quite a while now, we've definately had our ups and downs but you've always been someone that I could completely confide in without feeling as though I'm being judged. You help me to realize things about myself that I need to change and bring out a confidence in me that I never thought possible. I worry about you because I know that you can do amazing things with your life, but your curiosity gets the best of you and you don't know how to say no alot of the time. You try so hard to be who guys want you to be and one day you'll find one who truly accepts you for who you are.

4. Hmm this one's tough, It's been an extremely long road that ended extremely abruptly. I still can't believe that a friendship could mean so little to you and hate how you could just throw it away like that. You aren't better than the people that you like to judge and one day you will realize this..or maybe you won't and you'll go on living a neive life.

5. You're an amazing friend, we haven't been friends for that long but you mean so much to mean. You're honest and will do anything for anyone. You'll hug me one minute and smack me (metaphorically) for doing something stupid the next. You're never afraid to voice your opinion and you've gotten me through some really rough times.

6. You love people so much, so much that you become way too overly involved in other people's lives. You can be extremely controling without even knowing it. I've distanced myself a bit lately and I'm sorry but I needed my space for a while, I was beginning to suffocate. I look up to you alot because you have such a strong faith and you know where you want to go in this life.

7. I don't know you very well yet, but I hope to get to know you better. You're hillarious and can make me laugh so easily. You just have this thing about you that draws people to you.

8. We were really close there for a while..but we've grown appart. We keep saying that we're going to spend time together but it never seems to happen. One of us is always busy. We fight a lot but we both know we still love eachother haha there are some concepts you've formed about life that I strongly disagree with and I think you'll understand one day. You strive for attention and put yourself down to much..you need to believe in yourself and not care about what stupid people who put you down think.

9. Never would have guessed that we would have ended up as good of friends as we have. We had a mutual friend, I formed a short lived crush on you and now you're one of my closest friends. Don't see you as much anymore since you moved but I cherish the friendship we have so much. I can tell you anything and know that you'll atleast try your hardest to understand. You understand me a lot better than most people.

10. You are an absolutely amazing friend and I love you to death but I worry about you sometimes to no end. Your rebelious ways sometimes get you in trouble but you're starting to get back on the right path and I'm so proud of you for that. You have supported me through some of the hardest decisions and lifted me out of some of the deepest depression. You've introduced me to a whole new world through unconditional friendship.

11. I believe that you are a cheater and a liar and I would hate it if that were true because you would hurt someone I care about immensly once the truth were to come out. I think you're an arrogant ass who thinks he knows more than anyone else on the face of the planet. You're insulting and you don't care who's feelings you hurt as long as you get what you want.

12. Your dependance on your boyfriend frightens me to no end. We may not always get along but I still love you and will always be here for you. You know that I don't trust him at all and I hope that he proves me wrong for your sake. You can be a real bitch sometimes and I just wish that you would realize that you can do so much more than you aspire to. You set such low expectations for yourself and then wonder why you're not getting anywhere. I'm really proud of you for what you have accomplished, but I know that you can accomplish so much more.

13. You could have done so much but you were forced to grow up way too early. You've given in to everything you hated and have completely changed who you are just to make someone else happy. You've given up your faith, your morals, your values and everything that made you who you were for a temperary fix to your problems.

14. I cared about you alot, more than I could probably ever tell you and you treated me like crap..but somehow I've managed to forgive you once again and allow you back into my life. I have sworn to never fall for you again and have so far lived up to that promise to myself. Not so deep down inside you think you're a horrible person and I've tried so hard to convince you otherwise, to the point where I'm ready to give up. I wish that you could accept me for who I am but I have my doubt that that will ever happen so for now I will try to keep my distance as much as possible.

15. We don't talk too much or see eachother often but I'll be extremely sad when you move away. You're a great listener and are hillarious. You're very talented and will go to amazing places with that talent. Don't give up on your dreams because you can do so much. We have so much in common it's freaky sometimes but it's no wonder we get along so well.

I thought I'd rearrange those so that I would leave off on a happy note haha. That was surprisingly refreshing! Apparently I had more built up anger towards certain people than I ever thought. Thank you Tasha for putting this on your blog so that I too could get some stuff off of my chest. Not only that but by reading through your entries I tried to think of anything from them that may apply to me, whether you wrote it about me or not and I think I learnt a lot about myself by doing so. I've realized somethings that I want to change and work towards and I'm going to try my hardest to do so.

As for the rest of my life...I was working at SW this morning and got really shaky and nautious and dizzy and shit and went really pale and ended up coming home sick. I was supposed to work at Reitmans at 5 and ended up calling in sick for that too. I went to bed at like 2pm and slept till like 6 or something. Woulda slept longer if my sister and Shawn hadn't woken me up by talking so freaking low and Shawn coming in my room and yelling at his cat. Apparently he didn't know I was there..even though I was laying sprawled out on my back on my bed. I'm feeling a little better but it was like I kept having these mini panick attacks all day. My heart would start racing and then I'd just burst into tears and get a massive headache. I think it might be because I found out I won't get payed from SW till the 10th (They haven't payed me at all yet and I've been working there for over a month) and I owe my parents like $150 and I have 74 cents in my bank account. Didn't help that my sister asked me to borrow money and when I said no cause I have to pay my parents back she started going off on me about how I owe them way more than $150 and started listing off like everything they've bought for me in the past 5months.

I think that moving out would do me a lot of good, I just don't know how I would afford rents and food and transportation to and from work and everything when I'm not even getting payed. Maybe things will make more sense once I get on a regular pay schedule and have a work wardrobe built up and my schedules are somewhat organized. Everything to do with work is just so up in the air and I have people constantly telling me that I should quit one job and hope that I get more hours at the other..but how can I be certain? I guess there are no certainties in life is there...I just suck at taking chances. And if you're reading this I'm sure you can vouch for that. This is me now about to eat watermelon and then go to bed..Tasha if you're reading this I'm worried about you, please call me. (I was trying to call you all day)

Skip It + The Time Warp = Not The World's Best Idea

So listen up, here's a story..about a little guy who lives in a blue world and all day and all night everything he sees is just blue..like him, inside and outside. Blue's his house with it's blue little windows and his blue corvette and everything's just blue...

Ok so I dunno where that came from haha but apparently I know more of that song off the top of my head than I ever thought. It just kinda popped in there and I thought I'd share it with you all.

As for my life as of late, I've been working lots and spending a lot of time with Tasha and the Dominos people. I went up to Camp Imadene with Crysta and Shawn one night last weekend for some open house and ran into Tasha, Alyssa and Jordan so I hungout with them and then came back to Nanaimo and hungout with Tasha and people at Dominos. Monday was Tasha's friend Loren's birthday so everyone had plans to go out. The evening began with Tasha, Jordan and I going to Walmart where Tasha bought a Skip It and a 20Questions game which proved to be way more entertaining than we thought they would be haha. We took the toys to Dominos where we discovered that some of the guys aren't quite as heterosexual as we once thought and I'm pretty sure that they practice Skip Iting in their basements in the middle of the night. The extendable rainbow ribbon coming out of the bottom made it that much more amazingly homosexual. I attempted to Skip It and Time Warp at the same time but it didn't work so well..and Tasha tried to Skip It around the parking lot but really she just looked like she was handicapped and trying to run around the parking lot and give it all she's got.

Eventually everyone was done work and we headed to Loren's and then on to The Foundry...there was a machine in the bathroom that was supposed to dispense provocative fake tattoos but really all we got was Bugs Bunny surfing...good times. Then Chris and Loren went to the Casino and the rest of us went to 70 Below, the gay bar. It was completely dead but there was a pole..and so we pole danced. Jordan was shockingly skilled and gave us some lessons (once again with the homosexuality haha) We were there till about 2:30, then we walked back to the car and Tasha drove me and Jordan home. On the way home I started feeling really weird and was totally out of it, still don't really know why. I got home at about 3:15 or something after going to McDonalds and discovered that I had been locked out of the house. I then had to remove the screen from the pool room window and climb through it. All while being rather fucked up.

Now for tuesday. I woke up very stiff and sore and not feeling so hot. Got feeling a bit better by the late morning and then by the afternoon I got really super down and feeling like shit so I went to bed and slept until Sacha showed up and woke me up and then I hungout with her for a little while till she had to leave. That's about all I did yesterday...then today I worked and cleaned my room. That about sums it up. I really wanna go dancing again, it always proves to be good times and I love it. So if anyone wants to go sometime this week I'm totally there! Well I'm out of things to say so this is me leaving.

I'd Do Anything...Just To Hold You In My Arms...

This entry is completely and utterly dedicated to Shayna, "who's Shayna?" you may ask...let me tell you who Shayna is.

Shayna's tall...mysterious...beatiful, smart, crazy and kind. There are many more things to describe Shayna but well..I'm too lazy. If you're wondering, no I'm not a lesbian, but I do love Shayna. She's one of the best friends a person could possibly have, she's amazing. I've known Shayna since grade 11. She was in grade 10. We met in Mr. Arruda's Social Studies 11 Class...she sat in front of me. We began to develope a friendship over passing notes and talking when we weren't supposed to. Over the next year we'd see eachother in the halls and say hi, talk on msn once in a while...after I graduated we started talking more and more and quickly became very good friends. We don't hangout near as often as I wish we could but I still cherish our friendship immensely. So that pretty much sums up the history of mine and Shayna's friendship.

Through the course of our friendship Shayna and I have devised some master plans that must go unmentioned. But I can say that they may or may not involve kidnapping. I helped Shayna to accept her love for Pierre and face the fact that he is in fact her baby daddy and she can't deny it. I have accepted that she'll never love my baby daddy quite the way I do and that she'll always want her $10 back. One of my favorite things about being friends with Shayna is that when I call her on her cell phone I get greated by a wonderful verse of "I'd do anything, just to hold you in my arms..." it makes my day. I also enjoy the indepth conversations about CSI and Eric's hair style of choice. We may not agree on music, or clothing, or movies, or just stuff in general haha but I love her dearly and I get to be her child's second god mother haha. Love ya Shayna! Hope this blog entry completely dedicated to you makes your night!

Ladies Night Oh What A Night!

Last night rocked, ya ladies night! Who needs guys anyways haha well here's my night lastnight..Tasha and Candace picked me up at like 10:15 or something and then we got Alyssa and then we headed to the Griz. Josh and some other people I don't know were supposed to meet us there but they didn't wanna chance getting their ID's taken away cause well..they weren't theirs. So the four of us partied it up on the dance floor all night, Tasha got a bit sick so I was kinda worried about her but she got better quickly. We hungout with some really cool guys who's names I can not remember..there was like 5 of them or something and they were there for their friend's birthday but he was a creep and all depressed and shit so he just sat around all night while his buddies danced. We all had a blast, then we went to Dominos for water and told Chris and Seve about our night. We felt bad for Chris cause he was stuck at work all night instead of being able to come out with us...so Tasha made us all kiss him on the cheak and he went beat red which was hillarious. Then Josh called Tasha so we headed back downtown cause we were going to go to an after party but decided to meet up with him and his friends first. He was REALLY drunk and had hurt his hand so we all insisted on him either going home or going to Dominos and he chose Dominos so we dropped him off there for Chris to deal with lol Then I came home and the 3 of them went out. I didn't really feel like sitting at some guy's house while everyong smoked pot..especially since the smell makes me so sick. SO That was my night haha, it was very awesome, there was a lot of dancing and a lot of cute guys..I danced with a few guys, but mostly just danced. But that's all, I must depart..see ya!

Rootbeer Floats Make It All Better

Exausted...that's what I am. I finally have a day off of work tomorrow and was hoping you relax all day and just have fun but now I have to go back over to Alastair's and finish sorting all of the bottles that we didn't get to tonight with Sacha and Will. Atleast I'm going to be doing it with cool people...ugh I was so annoyed tonight but the lack of organization and how no one would listen to instruction whatsoever. I was so tired of repeating myself I wanted to scream. Just general concepts like different coloured glass having to be seperated couldn't be grasped! My arms are so exausted that they don't even wanna type...they feel as though they weigh 100lbs each.

My life as of late...work...work...sorting bottles..work...more bottles..work...that's it. It has had no fun (Besides the 15 minutes taken to go to A&W with Sacha and Will this evening). Working at Shoe Warehouse is really cool though, I really enjoy it so atleast it's not too bad. I like the people I work with and the day goes by so quickly because there's always stuff to be done. After I got off work at 1pm I today I went to Wellington to watch the dance class perform and then I had to go see my boss at Reitmans to tell her about Shoe Warehouse and attempt to figure out a schedule. My boss wasn't as nice about it as I was expecting and pretty much said that she can't give me a steady schedule and that Shoe Warehouse is going to have to give me specific hours and then she'll work around them. So..ya..then I went back to Shoe Warehouse and talked to the asst. manager and she was really really good about it which made me feel better and I think it'll work out. If not, I'll just quit Reitmans and go for the p/t possition at Sterling since I keep getting asked if I want it.

Well I'm off to have a bath and attempt to relax. Wanna do something tomorrow just give me a shout!

"Do you always cry after your first time?"

Lol Tasha I appologize for the name of this blog but I couldn't help it...and it's about 4x4ing people!

Another weekend has passed...some excitement, but not a lot...umm friday night I didn't do anything I don't think..don't really remember. Then lastnight I hungout with Tasha which was awesome and we visited all the boys at Dominos..several times throughout the night. Frazer took us 4x4ing in his new truck/jeep thing which was really awesome. I had a blast, but it was pretty frightening..oh Tasha....haha. We tried to go to the clubs but Alyssa couldn't get in..and the Griz was really busy and apparently there's been stabbings lately.

Then today I worked all day...which kinda sucked but wasn't bad. Work was pretty fun just very tiring cause it was super busy. Then I came home, got a message from Shoe Warehouse and called the lady back and found out that I got the job! I start on tuesday which is pretty awesome. After finding this out..I headed to Swyalana for the last Full Circle of the year. It was pretty great, but I was like a half hour late so I missed most of the worship. But then there was some interpretive dance thing to Broken by Amy Lee and Seether...then Arrowplane (I don't know how they spell their band's name) played but for any of you who know who I'm talking about, that's Paul, Julian and Brad (the hottest drummer ever)'s band haha. They were amazing and played all of their songs plus a couple covers. Julian tried to get Paul to play Bang Bang Boom by the Moffats (who Paul used to play for) but he absolutely refused and threatened to kill him haha good times. After words I saw Lisa Groundwater and she happens to know the super hot drummer Brad so we went over and talked to him for a little while. Even hotter up close..must say..didn't disappoint.

But ya..that's all that I feel like typing right now because I'm absolutely beat and the words I'm thinking in my head aren't coming out through my fingers quite right. I actually keep typing the completely wrong words and I don't understand it. Before I start typing jiberish (sp?) I'm going to go to bed and hopefully sleep for many many hours!

Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun, Please Shine Down On, Please Shine Down On Me!

I've had a couple amazingly awesome days in a row, and I'm in such a great mood. Complete opposite of the last post eh? haha. Well Sunday I worked and then that night I went to see The Break Up with Tasha and Chris. It was pretty good, definately had some funny parts but the ending was slightly disappointing. Not Vince Vaughn (can't spell it)'s best work but overall a decent movie. Then I don't really remember much of Monday, I don't think I was feeling well or something. Then Tuesday (yesterday) I lounged around the pool all day, tanning and swimming and just relaxing in general until 5pm when I headed over to Alastair's for a bbq. It was all of the leaders and campaigners from Young Life so it was pretty fun. Good food and then we played a messed up rendition of baseball in Alastair's backyard and I doomed my foot once again haha but it was worth it. My team lost horribly however..but all was made up by torturing Jason. Let's just say he has a major barefoot phobia and we took advantage of that. Then I got home and shortly after that Andrew showed up randomly and so him, Sam and I hungout and played pool and he tried to fix something on his car. Sam went to bed cause she wasn't feeling well and Andrew and I hungout on the computer for a bit and he went home about about midnight.

Then today Colin and Mark came down from Port and picked me up and we went to DQ so they could get lunch and Colin bought me ice cream :D Jason met us there for a little while till he had to go and pick Kim up from work. Then Colin, Mark and I came back here and swam, Sam joined us a little while later. At 4:45pm we realized that we hadn't picked up my coupon for free pizza (our plan for dinner) from the radio station yet and they were closing at 5pm. So, we booked it to the radio station and got there in about 5 minutes or so and then came back on home. Little Chelsea had arrived by time we got back and so we all partied it up in the pool for a while longer. Chelsea went home for dinner and we went to Little Caesars. After dinner we went to Andrea's and convinced her, Andrew H and Chelsea to come to Swyalana with us and we met Jason and Kim there. It was really nice hanging out with everyone, it doesn't happen too often. We played on the swings and such..Andrew gave us UNDER DUCKS! oh man I haven't had one of those in YEARS! and he pushed me on the tire swing and made me go really fast. It was a blast.

So that sums up the awesomeness of my week so far, hopefully I'm not jinxing myself! haha Nexopia told me that I was the 1,000,000th visitor today and that because of that I win $1625 and a cruise to the bahamas but I have my doubts as to whether or not that will come through lol. It would be pretty sweet if it does however. I told Colin that if I really do get it, I'll take him with me. (He happened to be the person I was talking to when this all came about) Going on a cruise with Colin would be good times, nice and relaxing atleast. Anyways..I have a job interview tomorrow morning at Shoe Warehouse so I should probably get my ass to bed fairly soon. Feel free to come join me in my lounging in the sun tomorrow afternoon!

You Watch Me Find My Own Insanity...

I guarantee that you have never seen me as angry or upset as I was yesterday but I guess that I just had to hit rock bottom before I could begin to get better. I'm sure that I never want to fall that low ever again however. I really need to just get away for a little while, even a day or something..have someone take my attention away from everything going on. I would welcome a kidnapping at this point. Life's changing so much and I'm not so sure that I'm ready for some of those changes. Tasha if you're reading this..please give me a call when you get a few free moments cause I'm pretty sure you're one of the only people who will understand what I've been going through lately and I could really use someone to talk to.

Anyways...I haven't really done anything lately, I've worked a bit...hungout with Shayna, Colin, Brook and Jordan on wednesday which was sweet. We had some good times. Then there was ice blocking at Bowen with Young Life on thursday which went extremely well considering it was pouring rain. We all got completely soaking wet and my brand new yellow shirt got dyed pink from the pink one I had on top. Umm I got to take all the pictures because I wasn't prepared to reinjure my foot which is FINALLY starting to feel a little bit better. I'm kinda really glad that it was the last club of the year cause I'm too burnt out to continue. I was so close to snapping like 3/4 of the kid's little necks, they were just driving me freaking nuts and I wanted to leave so badly. Then after ice blocking was over we had to drive everyone home which required Scott to come and pick people up and drive them which ended up being pretty cool cause he bought all 8 of us in his van hot chocolate haha and then I had to go back to the YL portable to help fix the couches that we broke during the year. Of course certain people did fuck all as usual and I wanted to scream. I can't stand it when people are working their asses off and a few people are just standing around doing nothing, goofing around and making it harder for those working to work. Drives me fucking nuts.

So that's all my ranting for today...if I had written this yesterday like I was going to it would have been much much much angrier and angsty so be glad that I decided to shut myself in my bedroom all day instead.

If you wreck my day, if you wreck my day,
You son of a bitch you're gunna get some!
I'm tired of this stupid game,
running in circle from you again.
Don't blame me for what I've gotta do
I won't hate myself to be loved by you!

Don't push me, don't play me,
or you'll be sorry...am I getting through!?
I won't back down, as of right now
I won't hate myself to be loved by you!

See me cry
See me smile
See me fall
See me cry!

I'm tired of this stupid game,
running in circle from you again.
Don't blame me for what I've gotta do
I won't hate myself to be loved by you!