15 Honest Thoughts About 15 People

I stole this from Tasha's blog because I found it very interesting so I thought I'd partake.

15 Honest Thoughts about 15 People

1. I haven't seen you in quite a while now, not really a big surprise...you tend to go in phases and get bored of the ones that care the most about you. I love you dearly and you can be an amazing friend when you're willing to put some effort into being there for people and spending time with them but you really need to find who you are, not just who your friends want you to be. Be you, not anybody else.

2. I see a lot of me in you but I also see a lot of your sister which kinda scares me. You're headed down a really bad path and I worry about you a lot. We have some stuff in common, some stuff that no one else knows about and I will always love you with all my heart, you are a sister to me and always will be. I pray constantly that you'll realize that you're better than the life you've begun to lead.

3. We've been friends for quite a while now, we've definately had our ups and downs but you've always been someone that I could completely confide in without feeling as though I'm being judged. You help me to realize things about myself that I need to change and bring out a confidence in me that I never thought possible. I worry about you because I know that you can do amazing things with your life, but your curiosity gets the best of you and you don't know how to say no alot of the time. You try so hard to be who guys want you to be and one day you'll find one who truly accepts you for who you are.

4. Hmm this one's tough, It's been an extremely long road that ended extremely abruptly. I still can't believe that a friendship could mean so little to you and hate how you could just throw it away like that. You aren't better than the people that you like to judge and one day you will realize this..or maybe you won't and you'll go on living a neive life.

5. You're an amazing friend, we haven't been friends for that long but you mean so much to mean. You're honest and will do anything for anyone. You'll hug me one minute and smack me (metaphorically) for doing something stupid the next. You're never afraid to voice your opinion and you've gotten me through some really rough times.

6. You love people so much, so much that you become way too overly involved in other people's lives. You can be extremely controling without even knowing it. I've distanced myself a bit lately and I'm sorry but I needed my space for a while, I was beginning to suffocate. I look up to you alot because you have such a strong faith and you know where you want to go in this life.

7. I don't know you very well yet, but I hope to get to know you better. You're hillarious and can make me laugh so easily. You just have this thing about you that draws people to you.

8. We were really close there for a while..but we've grown appart. We keep saying that we're going to spend time together but it never seems to happen. One of us is always busy. We fight a lot but we both know we still love eachother haha there are some concepts you've formed about life that I strongly disagree with and I think you'll understand one day. You strive for attention and put yourself down to much..you need to believe in yourself and not care about what stupid people who put you down think.

9. Never would have guessed that we would have ended up as good of friends as we have. We had a mutual friend, I formed a short lived crush on you and now you're one of my closest friends. Don't see you as much anymore since you moved but I cherish the friendship we have so much. I can tell you anything and know that you'll atleast try your hardest to understand. You understand me a lot better than most people.

10. You are an absolutely amazing friend and I love you to death but I worry about you sometimes to no end. Your rebelious ways sometimes get you in trouble but you're starting to get back on the right path and I'm so proud of you for that. You have supported me through some of the hardest decisions and lifted me out of some of the deepest depression. You've introduced me to a whole new world through unconditional friendship.

11. I believe that you are a cheater and a liar and I would hate it if that were true because you would hurt someone I care about immensly once the truth were to come out. I think you're an arrogant ass who thinks he knows more than anyone else on the face of the planet. You're insulting and you don't care who's feelings you hurt as long as you get what you want.

12. Your dependance on your boyfriend frightens me to no end. We may not always get along but I still love you and will always be here for you. You know that I don't trust him at all and I hope that he proves me wrong for your sake. You can be a real bitch sometimes and I just wish that you would realize that you can do so much more than you aspire to. You set such low expectations for yourself and then wonder why you're not getting anywhere. I'm really proud of you for what you have accomplished, but I know that you can accomplish so much more.

13. You could have done so much but you were forced to grow up way too early. You've given in to everything you hated and have completely changed who you are just to make someone else happy. You've given up your faith, your morals, your values and everything that made you who you were for a temperary fix to your problems.

14. I cared about you alot, more than I could probably ever tell you and you treated me like crap..but somehow I've managed to forgive you once again and allow you back into my life. I have sworn to never fall for you again and have so far lived up to that promise to myself. Not so deep down inside you think you're a horrible person and I've tried so hard to convince you otherwise, to the point where I'm ready to give up. I wish that you could accept me for who I am but I have my doubt that that will ever happen so for now I will try to keep my distance as much as possible.

15. We don't talk too much or see eachother often but I'll be extremely sad when you move away. You're a great listener and are hillarious. You're very talented and will go to amazing places with that talent. Don't give up on your dreams because you can do so much. We have so much in common it's freaky sometimes but it's no wonder we get along so well.

I thought I'd rearrange those so that I would leave off on a happy note haha. That was surprisingly refreshing! Apparently I had more built up anger towards certain people than I ever thought. Thank you Tasha for putting this on your blog so that I too could get some stuff off of my chest. Not only that but by reading through your entries I tried to think of anything from them that may apply to me, whether you wrote it about me or not and I think I learnt a lot about myself by doing so. I've realized somethings that I want to change and work towards and I'm going to try my hardest to do so.

As for the rest of my life...I was working at SW this morning and got really shaky and nautious and dizzy and shit and went really pale and ended up coming home sick. I was supposed to work at Reitmans at 5 and ended up calling in sick for that too. I went to bed at like 2pm and slept till like 6 or something. Woulda slept longer if my sister and Shawn hadn't woken me up by talking so freaking low and Shawn coming in my room and yelling at his cat. Apparently he didn't know I was there..even though I was laying sprawled out on my back on my bed. I'm feeling a little better but it was like I kept having these mini panick attacks all day. My heart would start racing and then I'd just burst into tears and get a massive headache. I think it might be because I found out I won't get payed from SW till the 10th (They haven't payed me at all yet and I've been working there for over a month) and I owe my parents like $150 and I have 74 cents in my bank account. Didn't help that my sister asked me to borrow money and when I said no cause I have to pay my parents back she started going off on me about how I owe them way more than $150 and started listing off like everything they've bought for me in the past 5months.

I think that moving out would do me a lot of good, I just don't know how I would afford rents and food and transportation to and from work and everything when I'm not even getting payed. Maybe things will make more sense once I get on a regular pay schedule and have a work wardrobe built up and my schedules are somewhat organized. Everything to do with work is just so up in the air and I have people constantly telling me that I should quit one job and hope that I get more hours at the other..but how can I be certain? I guess there are no certainties in life is there...I just suck at taking chances. And if you're reading this I'm sure you can vouch for that. This is me now about to eat watermelon and then go to bed..Tasha if you're reading this I'm worried about you, please call me. (I was trying to call you all day)