Another Night In The Land Of The Loonie

Actually it's just another evening at my parent's place... My dad picked me up from work because I was going to go and visit my opa in the hospital again but he got transferred back down to ladysmith hospital today so I ended up coming over for a visit. The drama never ends around here I swear. It's becoming so strange...cause I won't be around it for a few days and then I get here and all hell's breaking loose. I love my family but I love living away from them so much. People really need to come and see my new house! Just ask me for directions and there's an open door.

Halloween is coming up soon and I'm very excited...it's my second favorite time of the year (just below Christmas) I'm working on piecing together the remainder of my 80's outfit before this weekend because 70 below's having a halloween costume party thing that I'm hoping to go to. It should be a lot of fun...definately don't wanna go to the Griz after what happened lastweekend. There's stuff going on at the Cambie and the Queens too I believe so we'll see what's happening. Ashley's having a halloween party on Halloween night so if anyone wants to come just give me a call. We'll probably just be hanging out at her place and stuff for a while and then heading down to 70 or something. It's going to be one interesting weekend. So glad that Sunday's are slack and that I have wednesday off.

Well I should probably go and convince my dad to drive me back to my house so that I can relax and get some sleep. I was woken up way too many times during the night lastnight for my liking. Woot work tomorrow 1-9:30 and then off on thursday. If anyone's bored tomorrow come say hi. I'll see ya all later..buh-bye.

Honesty..why's it so hard to say what's truly on your mind?

Honesty...the topic of choice today kids. I don't really know why but for some reason I feel the need to discuss it. There's so many things that I want to say to so many people but I'm too chicken. Why? I really don't know...I guess I'm just too afraid to lose people. I am horribly and utterly afraid of abandonment. I love my friends to death but sometimes I really wonder why I'm friends with some of them. I did a post a while back called 15 honest thoughts about 15 people and I've been feeling a major urge to do it again. So I think I will, only it's going to be a much shorter version because there's only a few people that I have something on my mind about right now. I hope that no one reading this takes offense to anything that I say because I love you..I'm just frustrated and I need to vent.

1. You've forced yourself to grow up way too fast to the point where none of your friends know you anymore. You can't really be bothered to pick up a phone or ask how anyone's doing because everything in your life seems too much more important than anyone else. You make yourself too busy to really have any kind of a social life...well besides your boyfriend and no one can really count on you to be there for them anymore.

2. You're an amazing friend, you always have awesome and hillarious advice and can make me laugh. You're always willing to listen but you have such a tendancy to get yourself into trouble. You're drawn to plain out bad situations. You know what's best for yourself but for some reason you usually choose the opposite. You've helped me through a lot, I just wish that you'd help yourself more often.

3. I've looked up to you (figuratively) for a long time now but recently you've grown so distant. It constantly feels like you only wanna hangout because you feel obligated. You don't make any effort to keep in touch or make plans..you always leave it up to me to hunt you down and I feel like I'm forcing you to be my friend. I don't want that...I want us to be close like we used to be, to be able to go for coffee and chat or go shopping...anything. You used to be so independant and you're growing more and more dependant on one person and one person alone. I hope that you figure out who you are and realize that you don't need a guy in your life to be somebody. You're an amazing person but you need to start treating people better or you're going to lose everyone that cares about you.

4. We haven't known eachother for a hugely long amount of time but you're one of my bestfriends and I love you dearly. You're so strong and so sure of yourself, sometimes I envy that. It really bugs me when you are so opinionated about my personal life though. You need to realize that I'm a big girl and can make decisions for myself...whether that being dating someone who's not a christian, going drinking or whatever. If it's a mistake it's my mistake to make and I need to learn from them. I've lived the past 19years being afraid of the possible outcomes and not really living.

5. We used to be so close, but you let someone push all of your friends away from you. You have no time for anyone else anymore and I miss you. We used to have such good times and know exactly what the other one was thinking at every moment of the day. We had a connection that I don't know will ever be duplicated. The little bits of time that I do get to spend with you just remind me of how things used to be.

Ok so that's really all that's on my mind right now, I love you all so much. I'm so tired that I can barely even think however so I'm pretty sure I should head off to bed soon. In other news work has sucked, today was freaking busy and I slacked alot...good old 20 minutes muffin runs with Ashley to kill time and standing at the till all day. Umm my boss is pissing me off cause she can't bother to have the schedule done more than 12 hours in advance. Umm oh ya and she also told me that my roommate's apparently a theif and a fraud and that I shouldn't trust her. Great hey? Still been coughing a lot, in lots of pain...went to the bar lastnight..had some fun, but not near as much as I could have. There's a boy in prison that's in love with me and apparently I've made him become a one woman man (he told my mother so) and that when he gets out of jail in february he wants to take me out for valentine's day. lol not going to happen. But it does all provide for entertainment. Tracy's still living at my parent's house, nothing ever gets normal around there. That's all, I'm off. So long, Fairwell...Goodnight

I'm On My Own...and Living In A World Alone..Gets Better Everyday, That I Don't Have To Say, I'm Sorry I'm Coming Home.

Yesterday was officially my first day being moved out of my parent's house..it's kinda scary but very exciting and I know I'm gunna have a blast. I just wish I'd get healthy for crying out loud! I'm going crazy...but it's back to work tomorrow. This weekend was fairly eventful..Saturday was Holly's wedding so Jason and I left at 10am and picked up Sara, who's from Saskatchewan and was going to the wedding but needed a ride...so the three of us headed on our adventure to Victoria where I proceeded to make sure we didn't get lost and we ended up being like 2 hours early..so we got some Timmy's and then went to Canadian Tire and bought candy. The wedding was beautiful...everything was awesome..then the reception was a couple hours after. It was kinda boring for the first while, but we sang Can You Feel The Love Tonight to Holly and Marcus and all sounded like a bunch of drunkin idiots but it was before any drinking even took place. It got a lot more fun once the dancing started and then near the end when we managed to get all the cute boys from Victoria to dance as well. A large group of cute boys dancing to Stop by the Spice Girls..definately a highlight. Right along with the Cotton Eyed Joe dance which almost killed my lungs but has proved to be an amazing work out for the leg muscles. Sacha and I should start a work out program revolving around that dance lol. Marcus' family introduced everyone to the "Ride the big fat chicken" dance which provided some good laughs.

Got home at about midnight, Brendan and Colin were asleep on the sofa bed (thank god they were asleep) because Colin has a bit of a thing for me and well...I don't have a thing for him but it's a good boost for the ego lol. I've been hit on a lot this weekend haha they left lastnight after I moved out. They said that the only reason they came up this weekend was to see me and were very disappointed to find out that I was barely going to be home. The most they got to see me was yesterday afternoon when I began packing up my crap and blasting Hedley from my bedroom just to wake their lazy ass' up hehe that was fun. Then I packed more...then Sacha came and helped me pack and then we headed out. We went to the grocery store and I bought we bought our first groceries together haha and then we watched endless amounts of Desperate Housewives in an attempt to catch up before the season premier. We failed so Heather had to fill us in as we went. I didn't sleep a whole lot lastnight but I'm excited about being out on my own and you all better come visit me and see my new place. My roomies are all awesome, Eric gets back from Campbell River today...should be fun. Umm ya, but I'm gunna go watch some more Spotlight on Hedley and watch Jacob get his ass tattooed...even though I've seen the tattooed ass personally already..it's still awesome. Hope to see you all soon, love ya tonnes..buhbye

More depressed than I thought.

Well this fucking sucks. I'm sick, I'm depressed, I'm lonely, and yes I want to complain right now.

I went to work yesterday...well I actually went early to do some shopping, felt fine..went to work..about an hour into my shift I started getting really hot and my chest started hurting. I walked into the backroom and went to say something to Cara and nothing came out..I couldn't breath and I burst into tears. So she got me to sit down and ran and got Nadine (my boss) who felt my forehead and freaked out and insisted on taking me to the hospital. So I called my mom and we picked her up and Nadine dropped my mom and I off at the hospital. The nurses took 15 fucking minutes to discuss what time they were taking their lunch breaks at while I sat there in severe pain not being able to break. About like an hour later I finally got to see a doctor who then ordered blood test and chest xrays. About another 3 hours later the results finally came back and the doctor told me that the joints in my chest..that connect the rib cage to the breast bone are inflamed and so every time I breath my lungs are rubbing up against the bones like sandpaper on sandpaper. Which explains the severe pain in my chest everytime I breath. There may also be an infection in my chest left over from the pneumonia but he didn't want to put me on antibiotics yet and told me to see my doctor if it doesn't get better. Yay for crappy hospital service.

So on top of feeling like shit I've also been feeling rather depressed and lonely lately. My friends don't come around, they barely ever answer their phones, they NEVER call me. I was finally getting back to work and being able to see people and now I'm sick again. I'm not contageous but everyone seems to act like I have the plague. I'm supposed to be moving out this week, not sure when that's going to happen. I'm also supposed to be going to Holly's wedding on saturday but suddenly have no way to get to Victoria. Half the time I just feel like I'm going crazy, I wonder if my friend really care about me at all or if they just pretend to once in a while to appease me. Do they really think of me as a friend or am I just some annoying person who likes to tag along all the time. It just really seems like noone's ever willing to put effort into our friendships and I always find myself doing all the work...is it because you just don't want to be friends and feel obligated or what? Cause pretend friendships don't help.

Well now that I'm really depressed and on the verge of tears I'm just going to leave. Maybe have a nap or something, who knows.

PS. The Black Eyed Peas concert was basically a waste of money and Fergie looked like a crack whore. Swollen Members and the last 20 minutes of BEP were the only part worth seeing. Rihanna should...like die or maybe ACTUALLY sing her own songs..not lipsink and dance like a skank.

A Week In Recap

It's been a little while so I guess that I'm due for an update. Things have been going pretty well...work's been great. I got my keys to the store and am now the official third key. I get to open and close tell people what to do lol although that's not really me. Wednesday night was Steph's birthday...she used to work for our company but recently left to go to RW and so we all showed up at her place and surprised her, had a few drinks and then headed down to 70 below. It was kareoke night and we were all very drunk. It was an absolute blast...Geoff and Drew were both there aswell as Alleah and Jordan Davies and some other people. The best songs sang were If I Had A Million Dollars (Geoff and Drew) The Time Warp by I'm not really sure who...I was outside with everyone while they had a smoke break so I had to Time Warp on the side of the road....Sweet Transvestite, and some Spice Girls haha The manager and another guy from RW sang Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock and we all sang along with them...and then we decided to sing Friends In Low Places for Steph and didn't realize till after we were done that she wasn't even in the room. Cara had to take off back to the Cambie and a bunch of the girls were hungry so they took off to Timmy's but Ashley and I weren't done dancing and hanging out with Will (guy from Vancouver) and cute boy who's name we never found out. So, we stayed until closing...hungout with Will who was really cute but I'm pretty sure he was just hoping at the prospect of getting two girls and wanted us to go to a party with him but we didn't. We decided to walk to Timmy's where we chatted with the guys about the drunks and crack heads that go into the store at that time of night. Then I crashed on Ashley's couch and had to get up at 7:30am because she had to work at 9am.

I got home, went to Wellington to do contact work with Holly, came home still very hungover...went to bed for a bit...got up and went to the KGB run. Virginia and I were stuck sitting in the cold at Uplands Elementary for 2 hours manning the watering pit stop and then they forgot us...so Colin had to come get us and take us back. Hungout with Jason and Colin for a bit and came home at 11pm. Worked at 9am yesterday and was having a very hard time comprehending anything. And to make it worse about 2 hours into my shift I got sent up to Sterling cause they were short staffed and I ended up spending 4 hours there and then going back to Shoe Warehouse for my last 2 hours. I'm pretty sure I destroyed Sterling about 5 times...I kept knocking everything over and Shawnna was laughing at me. I have bruises EVERYWHERE from running into shit.

Then lastnight I decided to streak my hair...my sister had bought to streaking kits and said I could use one. They said for blonde to light brown hair but I figured it would be ok. So Crysta streaks it and I get out of the shower to discover that my hair is orange. Especially my bangs which are pretty much solid orange. I wonder if I can pass it off as being excited about Halloween? I dunno...all I know is that I'm going to the Black Eyed Peas Concert and wandering around Victoria today with orange hair. I think that Tracy might be on her way to come to Nanaimo today, not too sure but last we heard Brendan was trying to insure some car of his so that he can drive her up. I've pretty much given up trying to figure out what's happening because it changes too damn frequently.

In other news...I'm moving out soon! Hopefully this weekend but now I have to work on sunday and I'm not sure what time monday Sacha will be back. I may end up having to move stuff in the evenings after work and then moving myself in next weekend after Holly's wedding. We'll see how it goes. I'm so excited though. Freedom at last. It'll be great.

Well that's all for now...oh ps. Apparently I'm an acoholic according to some of my friends...what do you guys think? I don't think I am...I only go out like once a week-every two weeks or something like that. But I must depart so that I can get ready to head to Vic. See ya'll later..love all ya guys.