Honesty..why's it so hard to say what's truly on your mind?

Honesty...the topic of choice today kids. I don't really know why but for some reason I feel the need to discuss it. There's so many things that I want to say to so many people but I'm too chicken. Why? I really don't know...I guess I'm just too afraid to lose people. I am horribly and utterly afraid of abandonment. I love my friends to death but sometimes I really wonder why I'm friends with some of them. I did a post a while back called 15 honest thoughts about 15 people and I've been feeling a major urge to do it again. So I think I will, only it's going to be a much shorter version because there's only a few people that I have something on my mind about right now. I hope that no one reading this takes offense to anything that I say because I love you..I'm just frustrated and I need to vent.

1. You've forced yourself to grow up way too fast to the point where none of your friends know you anymore. You can't really be bothered to pick up a phone or ask how anyone's doing because everything in your life seems too much more important than anyone else. You make yourself too busy to really have any kind of a social life...well besides your boyfriend and no one can really count on you to be there for them anymore.

2. You're an amazing friend, you always have awesome and hillarious advice and can make me laugh. You're always willing to listen but you have such a tendancy to get yourself into trouble. You're drawn to plain out bad situations. You know what's best for yourself but for some reason you usually choose the opposite. You've helped me through a lot, I just wish that you'd help yourself more often.

3. I've looked up to you (figuratively) for a long time now but recently you've grown so distant. It constantly feels like you only wanna hangout because you feel obligated. You don't make any effort to keep in touch or make plans..you always leave it up to me to hunt you down and I feel like I'm forcing you to be my friend. I don't want that...I want us to be close like we used to be, to be able to go for coffee and chat or go shopping...anything. You used to be so independant and you're growing more and more dependant on one person and one person alone. I hope that you figure out who you are and realize that you don't need a guy in your life to be somebody. You're an amazing person but you need to start treating people better or you're going to lose everyone that cares about you.

4. We haven't known eachother for a hugely long amount of time but you're one of my bestfriends and I love you dearly. You're so strong and so sure of yourself, sometimes I envy that. It really bugs me when you are so opinionated about my personal life though. You need to realize that I'm a big girl and can make decisions for myself...whether that being dating someone who's not a christian, going drinking or whatever. If it's a mistake it's my mistake to make and I need to learn from them. I've lived the past 19years being afraid of the possible outcomes and not really living.

5. We used to be so close, but you let someone push all of your friends away from you. You have no time for anyone else anymore and I miss you. We used to have such good times and know exactly what the other one was thinking at every moment of the day. We had a connection that I don't know will ever be duplicated. The little bits of time that I do get to spend with you just remind me of how things used to be.

Ok so that's really all that's on my mind right now, I love you all so much. I'm so tired that I can barely even think however so I'm pretty sure I should head off to bed soon. In other news work has sucked, today was freaking busy and I slacked alot...good old 20 minutes muffin runs with Ashley to kill time and standing at the till all day. Umm my boss is pissing me off cause she can't bother to have the schedule done more than 12 hours in advance. Umm oh ya and she also told me that my roommate's apparently a theif and a fraud and that I shouldn't trust her. Great hey? Still been coughing a lot, in lots of pain...went to the bar lastnight..had some fun, but not near as much as I could have. There's a boy in prison that's in love with me and apparently I've made him become a one woman man (he told my mother so) and that when he gets out of jail in february he wants to take me out for valentine's day. lol not going to happen. But it does all provide for entertainment. Tracy's still living at my parent's house, nothing ever gets normal around there. That's all, I'm off. So long, Fairwell...Goodnight