If Only This Weight Off Of My Chest Would Actually Take A Weight Off Of My Chest

This is my blog...so, I'm going to rant, I'm going to bitch and I'm going to complain and if you don't like it, just don't read. I've had a really horrible past while and I'm really sick of it. Isn't there a theory that bad things happen in 3's? so why is it that they never stop for my family??? To start off, my Opa's kidney's are failing and he's probably going to die very very soon and I haven't been able to visit him and I don't know when I'll be able to because I've been sick and I can't take the chance of making him sick because his immune system is really low. Tracy (for anyone who doesn't know, Tracy is pretty much my aunt, she's more of an aunt than my biological ones have ever been) well Tracy was in a massive car accident about 2 months ago or so and her leg was broken in 3 places, her lungs collapsed and she almost didn't survive. There had been rumors going around that she was using cocain and then after the accident she told us that she wasn't using that my cousin (her 15 year old son) was and that Brendan (the 22 year old living in her house) had been dealing out of her house in order to pay off some drug debts and that Tracy had been helping him get out of trouble. Tracy was released from the hospital all of a week ago and was found in a crack house with a crack pipe in her mouth by her friend Terry, Brendan and Colin (who are now supposedly clean). The past week has been full of long phone calls to Victoria, Tracy raging on my mom for "Abandoning her" and we're pretty sure she's either really cracked out or going through withdrawl. Now, as for my mom...she's not handling this all too well and for any of you that know about my mom and such you know what that means.

So Saturday was my mom's birthday..and now begins a whole new batch of fun. My mom's friend Junes comes up from Victoria to visit for the day because it was my mom's birthday and she needed to do some shopping. My mom was tired so she went to lay down while Crysta and Junes went and did some errands. A while later the phone rings and it's Alex on the other end telling me that Shawn's been in a really bad motorcycle accident and that the ambulance was there to take him to emergency. So my mom and I get ahold of my sister and Junes and they come to pick up my mom...I wait here incase my dad calls and end up not being able to breath...and collapse on my livingroom floor twice before I manage to get ahold of Tasha to get her to come and stay with me until my dad gets home. My dad and Shawn's friend Chris get home from picking up the bike and so Tasha heads to work and I head to the hospital with my dad to see Shawn. We get there and I end up having to check myself in because I couldn't breath and was on the verge of passing out again. I get whisked off for chest xrays and such while we're waiting to find out what's happening with Shawn. Find out that he was impaled by a stick or something and that they were just going to stitch him up and send him home. I find out that not only did I have Bronchitis and a chest infection like the doctor earlier in the week had told me..but I also had pneumonia. Yay for highly over infected lungs. Eventually we were both released and all headed home for some quality take out birthday dinner and cake. The next morning Shawn ended up back in emergency where he found out that he has a broken wrist. Now that ends that escapade.

Then not yesterday, the day before we discovered that Jenna and Cricket, two of our cats were beginning to be really lethargic and were really dehydrated so we ended up having to rush them both to the vets just before they closed. Cricket ended up having to be put down :( and Jenna was brought back home where my mom has had to give her IV fluids like every couple hours since to try and flush out her liver. We have no idea why but both of their livers began to fail at pretty much the exact same time..Jenna just seems to be fighting it a bit better. I still have my doubts that she'll make it but we're hoping.

Now for yesterday, my online work schedule told me I had to work at 1:30 so I got up, got all ready, went to catch my bus..got picked up by Tasha and Alyssa...went to work..found out that I didn't actually have to work, that my boss screwed up and I got sent home. So since I was all dressed and feeling pretty good I wanted to do something...so I ended up going and hanging out with Jason and Ian for a bit. We went to the mall, saw Raechel for a bit, then went to Rogers Video, then to Dominos so that I could get bread sticks, saw Tasha, Alyssa and Loren. Then we, plus Alyssa headed to James Street only to discover that it was league night and no free tables...so we changed our plans and went bowling. It was pretty fun, had some good times. Then we dropped Alyssa off back at Dominos and I went home. I tried to go to bed but no matter what I did I couldn't sleep. I ended up staying awake all freaking night with my chest hurting like a bitch, not being able to breath very well...and then I finally came upstairs at 5am in tears from the pain and my mom told me to get a shower or sit in a chair for a while and go back to bed. Thanks mom. That didn't help at all, I almost passed out in the shower and just felt even more sick. So, I went back to bed and made my dad call in sick for me at 9am because I was really week and felt like I was dying. I got a couple hours of sleep after that and then got up to start another day full of upsetting phone calls from Victoria, Shawn watching tv and bitching about hating having a cast on...me sitting in my pj's using my inhaler religiously and wishing I could go out and enjoy the sun.

I'm so sick of being sick, I have no life, no one calls me unless they want something from me...I'm going to have absolutely no money next pay day cause I pretty much won't have a pay check...plus I'm going to have a huge phone bill and a visa bill to pay. I'm just so damn frustrated with life. I want to live my life and not have people telling me what is good for me or what's bad for me..I want people to let me make my own decisions, make my own mistakes...take some chances for a change. I know my friends care about me and just don't want me to get hurt but I'm a big girl, I'm all grown up and I can make decisions for myself. I may need a little help once in a while but it doesn't mean I"m completely incapable. You may think something's a bad idea but maybe I don't. I'm not afraid anymore..I want to take a chance for once.