I Can't Escape Winding Down These Halls...Hard To Find A Place Where There Are No Walls.

Wow...I don't even know where to start or even what to say except "Is it over yet?" Please tell me it's over...I'm not strong enough for this...I'm trying so hard to be strong for everyone else but I can't stop crying inside. I've shed very few tears but I constantly feel as though I'm bawling my eyes out. I'm beat, exausted to every extreme. The small things set me over the edge, I find myself despizing the people I love the most and drawn to the ones I've grown to hate. I feel as though all faith is lost, yet my faith may be stronger than ever. I sit here, in front of my computer screen feeling as though the entire world is spinning around me, afraid to stand up for fear of falling down. My whole world has taken one giant plunge down towards the pits of hell (for lack of a better term). Why is this you ask?

The woman who has been more of an aunt to me in the past 5 years that any of my biological aunts has been involved with drugs, the police, been in a massive car accident, almost died and is now in hospital...my Opa is dying right before our eyes and there's nothing that any of us can do about it besides try and make his last bit of time on this earth as happy as possible...things with my mom are worse than ever before and I'm scared to death for her (If I want you to know more details I'll tell you), the kitten we were fostering died, and to add to all that....how about a little flood and the distruction of everything I own. That's right...my bedroom was completely and utterly flooded lastnight. Discovered at about 10pm lastnight was the fact that I no longer posses pretty much anything. My bed's garbage, my stereo's destroyed, my pictures are ruined, all my drawings, my books, the bible Alastair gave me for Christmas, my alarm clock, my Grade 12 year book, my memory box...everything. I have yet to know for sure how much damage there is to my clothes and to the flooring in my room. I'm currently sleeping on the sofa bed in the middle of our pool room, trying to wash all my sopping wet clothes so that I actually have something to wear to work each day...living out of laundry baskets and with a very sore back from the lovely springs in the cheep ass matress. To top that all off, I get home from work tonight to find out that one of the girls from YL that I care very much about just got home from the hospital because she almost killed herself.

I feel and look like shit, haven't slept well in days...not eating properly, been so fucking nausious that all I wanna do is curl up in a ball and go to sleep..I feel like I have morning sickness every morning but there's no fucking way I'm pregnant. I get so dizzy and light headed at work that I feel like I'm lost and get so confused that I feel like I'm going to pass out. I don't know what's wrong with me or what's going on..I just wish that it would all go away. I don't feel like I have anyone that I can really talk to about anything...everyone's so freaking preoccupied with whether or not they have someone to fucking sleep with...and I barely have somewhere to sleep.


This may seem fucking selfish, but so has everyone else lately.

Something missing

Left behind

Search in circles

Every time I try

I've been here before

I've seen you before

I can't escape winding down these halls

Hard to find a place where there are no walls

And no lines begging me to cross

Only straight ahead better move along

Like Clockwork

I commit the crime

I pretend to be

everything they like

I've been here before

I've seen you before

And I trade everything for this

And I trade everything for this

Why do I read the writing on the wall

Why do I read the writing on the wall

I won't lose my place in line

I've been here too long and I've spent too much time

I won't lose my place in line

I've been here too long and I've spent too much time

These Walls - Trapt