Anything Left?

I'm so cold and far away from home

You're so tired and so damn alone

It's darker and much harder to be me

So far away from my reality

For those who don't know, that song is Villain by Hedley..one of my favorites. Hedley's really become the theme music to my life lately and when I start feeling angry or upset one of their songs just happens to pop into my head. Over the past couple days I've slowly begun getting more and more depressed..and I know it's not going to get better, atleast not until this weekend is over. Sunday isn't just mothers day for me..it's also the anniversary of my grandmother's death and either tomorrow or Saturday would have been my grandparent's anniversary. It's never affected me the way it has this year..I don't really know why..I guess I'm just really realizing how much of my life I never got to share with my grandparents..they never saw me graduated or anything..they'll never meet their great grandchildren or see me get married. I don't even really remember what my grandma was like anymore..well it's more like I feel as though I never really knew. Was she like me? Or was she just one more member of my family that I have nothing in common with.

There's one thing that's been on my mind lately...Young Life wasn't enjoyable for me at all tonight, I was really down most of the time and then I ended up very angry by time I finally got to go home. I'm also in a lot of pain and hadn't eaten in twelve hours. I don't mind cleaning up the portable while people get driven home..but for other leaders to get back while I'm still cleaning and to just stand there, goof around and watch me instead of offering to help...it pisses me off and it's not fair. I was freaking limping around the portable moving 6 full size couches around, as well as like 4 stacks of chairs that aren't exactly light. I was so unbelievably close to walking out of there and not going back.

Maybe I really should consider moving to Port or Victoria or something..doesn't really seem like there's a whole lot left for me here. I don't know, maybe I've just had too long of a day and need some sleep. I should do that...sleep.

I'm tired of this

What you see is

What I have never tried to be

Just let me breathe

Just take me anywhere but here

Streetfight-Hedley

See me cry

See me smile

See me fall

See me fly yea

And I'm tired

Of this stupid game

Running in circles from you again

Don't blame me

For what I gotta do

I won't hate myself to be loved by you

Don't push me

Don't blame me

Or you'll be sorry

You're not getting through

I won't back down

As of right now

I won't hate myself to be loved by you

Johnny Falls-Hedley