What's Going On Inside Of Me...?

What is going on!? I just don't know...I still feel like shit..I'm not better...I just feel weaker and weaker every day but I try to put on a strong front..try to hide it but I dunno how much longer I can. It feels as though everyone that I'm close to, all my good friends are leaving and I'm gunna have no one...Andrea seems so distant..hun if you're reading this I miss you..I dunno what's going on with you but I really wish you'd talk to me. I don't remember the last time we actually hungout or had a real conversation..you know, the stuff that friends do. Colin's moving back to Port like starting today...Jason may have to at the end of the month if he can't find a job..I haven't seen Megan in months..Sacha's FINALLY back from Cranbrook..feels like she was gone for a life time when really it was only a week and a half or something for Cassidy's wedding.

I need a different job...I like working the weekend shifts because of who I'm working with..but I dread every shift during the week..to the point where I almost make myself physically sick about having to go..and is it really worth it when I'm only getting a maximum of 12 hour a week...and that's spread out between 3 days. I have to work tonight and it'll probably end up being like a 2 hour shift...a complete waste of a day...

As for what I've been doing lately..I haven't been doing much...I've hungout with Jason a fair bit...on friday I went over to his place to hangout with him and Ian cause Virginia and Carleen were coming down from Port and Cole and Stacie were coming up from Parksville. So they all got there and we hungout for a bit, then Andrea, Andrew, Caley and some YL girls came over and we all played Dance Dance Revolution for a couple hours. It's a pretty awesome game which I must buy. Then Saturday night I went over there to watch a movie with Jason and ended up getting told to "shut my fat mouth" by Andrew who I am now extremely unimpressed with and would rather not be around at any cost. Umm so then Sunday I went to my grandparent's and did some chores for them, saw my cousin and then went to Full Circle with Sonya that night. It was pretty good but sad cause one of the Youth Pasters is moving. Then lastnight Colin and I were both bored so we randomly decided to drive to Port Alberni to visit Jason and Virginia and people...they all took me to the Harbour Quey which apparently is the only site to see in Port Alberni..so we climbed the clock tower and saw the like 2 statues..and then dropped Carleen off and went and picked up Amanda and her friend Sara. We went to the Westwind (I think that's the name of it) Pub and hungout for a while, got some good food and a few drinks..just chatted until about 11pm and then headed out. Virginia decided to come back to Nanaimo with Colin and I..so we got home at about 12am. I then proceeded to get up at 6:15am to go to campaigners, got home from that, did some cleaning and went back to bed. Now I'm killing time till I have to get ready for work.

That's about the just of my life as of recently..pretty pathetic I know..but it had it's ups. Lastnight was pretty fun. I strongly recomment the Electric Blue Ice Tea, mighty delicious. That's all for now folks, someone call me lol Boredom!

What's going on inside of me..I despise my own behavior. This only serves to confirm my suspicions that I'm still a man in need of a savior. I wanna be in the light as you are in the light I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens oh lord be my light and be my salvation cause all I want is to be in the light. - In The Light by DC Talk

Really good song, officially addicted to DC Talk! I love them