Look In My Eyes..What Do You See? Not Just The Colour..Look Inside Of Me.

Basically...shit has hit the fan. That about covers it. Lastnight was a pretty rough night for me and I really could have used a real friend but there weren't any in sight. I'm lucky that Tasha was online, would have been nice to have had someone a little bit closer though. I found out that one friend of mine either has Crohns or a Tumor and he's pretty scared to find out the results. At the same time I was finding out that apparently Phil has a drug dealer after him because he owes him money for weed. He now denies that any of this is true and says that the person that told me was just making it up, which of course I don't believe. My sister was out with Phil, Andrew, Krista, Shelby and a bunch of other people having a grand ol' time out in the fucking bushes apparently building a fort. Apparently Andrew and Krista were the only ones that smoked up but I don't believe her for a minute. I also tend to not believe that they were just building a fort, considering when my mom called Andrew's cell he said he didn't know if Crysta was still there or not because he was outside...make any sense to anyone? So ya...my mom made my sister come home and they fought for about 2 hours straight and I had to keep my mouth shut cause I promised my mom I'd stay out of it. I ended up going to bed at about 9:30 after resisting the urgh to scream and burst into tears all at once.

I woke up this morning to a quiet house because my mom and dad are both at work and my sister was still in bed. I got my shower and chilled on my comp for a bit. My sister got up and started telling me stories about how much fun she had lastnight and how well her and Krista got along and I lost it. I blew up, I couldn't take it anymore. I yelled at her for not giving a shit about any one else's feelings...and asked her how she thought it made me feel, hearing about how much fun she has hanging out with Andrew when I haven't even been able to speak to him for over 4 months. Actually, I think it might be 5 months. Anyways..ya I didn't give her a chance to speak and I just walked away.

I've been listening to More Than Anyone by Gavin DeGraw over and over again this morning, it's such a beautiful song and makes me wanna cry. It also makes me want to be in love. *sigh*

Anyways...as for the other half of my life that doesn't involve quite as much drama...work has been good. It's been really hard working with my leg hurting like hell but I've managed. I've had this constant "little bird" on my shoulder telling me to go sit down everytime I rub my knee lol. The guys have been really great about it and have been helping me out a lot. Dave was pretty concerned yesterday but I assured him I'd be fine. I think Kevin's tried to send me home every day since now lol It's just been too busy and I didn't wanna leave them short handed. Plus I can deal with the pain if it means having some fun with the guys. I really do enjoy working with them. I have so many stories that I'd love to spill but I don't wanna type them all out on here so phone me if you wanna know. I'm on my two days off now which is pretty nice...still pretty curious to find out what was up with Andrew's random appearing act...how can he mess with my head so much just by appearing once?!?!?!?! It's not fair.

Anyways...I'm gunna go and listen to this song some more and day dream. Maybe I'll call Meagan back, she's always good for a good chat. I'll talk to ya'll later. Bye

You need a friend, I'll be around...Don't let this end, before I see you again...what can I say, to convince you to change your mind. Me, I'm gunna love you more than anyone...I'm gunna hold you closer than before. And when I kiss you so your body be free, i'll be free for you anytime, I'm gunna love you more than anyone. Look in my eyes, what do you see...not just the colour, look inside of me. Tell me all you need and I will try...I will try. I'm gunna love you more than anyone...I'm gunna hold you closer than before. And when I kiss you so your body be free, I'll be free for you anytime, I'm gunna love you more than anyone. Free for you, whenever you need. We'll be free together baby, free together baby...I'm gunna love you more than anyone..I'm gunna hold you closer than before. And when I kiss you so your body be free, I be free for you anytime, I'm gunna love you more than anyone, I'm gunna love you more than anyone....

Ok so ya, that was the whole song...I probably screwed up the lyrics and Megan will correct me but it's hard to type them out while listening to the song! Anyways, listen to it...More Than Anyone - Gavin DeGraw. It's beautiful.